Answering The Questions Women REALLY Want the Answers To

I am here to answer the questions women would like to know the REAL answers to from a males point of view.

So send me questions and I will answer them for you... I just hope too many men don't get mad for revealing our secrets!!!

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Thanks, Trey

Why Do Black Men Cheat???

Ok... I'm gonna try to talk about the question I am sure you are all dying to hear the answer. Now remember this is only Trey's Opinion... so I can only give it to you from my perspective.

I consider myself to be a pretty faithful guy... to the point where my male friends are amazed; however, if I am dating that's a different story. Now once I have made the commitment that it will be me and that person... that's what it is. When the love making becomes boring or routine I will purchase outfits or make suggestions for improvement. If that doesn't work, I will end the relationship before I cheat.

So... Why do black men cheat? There are numerous reason why black men cheat. It may be Primal Instinct... It may be the need to conquer as many women as possible... But I think it's much deeper than that.

Three out of four men cheat... why? For one reason, it's easier than ever before! With the assistance of advance technology such as cell phones, email, voicemail and the Internet it's much easier to maintain contact with that mistress. MySpace, Match.com, BlackPeoplemeet and other dating websites make it easier than ever to reach out to women that he may have never been able to contact before and be discrete with his communication.

There are more women in the workplace and lunch with a co-worker can lead to a lot more now. Men or women in power may use their power to get what they want... including your man! You spend 40+ hours per week with your co-workers... depending on your schedules... you may not spend that with your spouse.

Sometimes a man needs to reassure himself... he wants to make sure "He still has it" and by cheating, that will confirm that he does. The male ego is a very delicate thing and needs to be stroked from time to time. There may also be self esteem issues, where it is necessary to make himself feel better... or he is unable to be in a productive relationship because he is unhappy with himself.

WHAT A RUSH... It could be just for the adrenaline. Sneaking around without getting caught. Going back to the thrill of the chase. Remember when you first started making love to your partner? There was a lot more foreplay... a lot more passion... but now it's just like hurry up and let me get some before I go to sleep. The need to get back to that original passion may be the driving force.

This is 2009 and women are going for what they want, including your man. Women are initiating these extra marital affairs as well. Do you get mad if your man comes home and he doesn't have his wedding ring on? This may actually be a good thing. Many of my married friends say that having that wedding band on is like a magnet. Women know they can get what they want without a commitment. (Yes there are women out there too that want to have sex without commitment.) I was thinking about going out and buying a wedding band and wearing it to the club!

You have to stop allowing it to happen. That's Right! One of the reasons it happens is because you allow it. How many times has a man cheated on you and sweet talked his way back into your bed? Promised it wouldn't happen again? Or would you would rather deal with a cheating man than be alone? If he cheated on you when you were his girlfriend or fiancee... he's probably gonna cheat when he's your husband.

Women often say absence makes the heart grow fonder... which may be true. But don't become to involved in playing the "unavailable" game. Men say while the cats away the mouse will play. It's true that spending too much time with your mate will make the relationship become routine a lot faster, but it's necessary to have that balance so he doesn't find someone else to fill that free time.

I believe I touched on this in one of my previous posts... If a man eats lobster every day for 365 days, eventually he's gonna want a hamburger. So the answer to the reason why men cheat is because... the only thing better than a cookie... is a new cookie! But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Are There Any Good Black Women Left???

We often hear the question "Are There Any Good Black Men Left?". Well I'm asking... Are There Any Good Women Left? Are these women posing the question Are There Any Good Men... Good Women? We may still be unclear on exactly what a "Good Man" is... attractive, physically fit, gainfully employed, no baby mama drama, intelligent, good sense of humor, etc??? Well let's turn the question around!

Are the women asking this question attractive women? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I can't answer this question without bias; however, most attractive women are hot commodities.

Are the women physically fit? Time has an effect on our bodies... and let's face it... none of us are getting any younger. As women get older there body doesn't bounce bacck like it use to after having a baby. Something I heard on the radio, I'm not sure if it's tue... is that a lot of black women don't go to the gym!

Are the women gainfully employed? Today, there are a large amount of women that are going to college, pursuing a career and holding it down on there own. However, there are still women that are caught up in the system or use men as a source of income. These women would also be considered a hot commodity.

Do these women have baby daddy drama? If women are concerned about a man having baby mama drama... that means we have to be concerned about baby daddy drama... sometimes multiple baby daddy drama. As I am approaching 40 I find it more difficult to find a woman with no children or maybe just one.

Black women out number black men approximately 100 to 87. So let's say out of the 87 men 20 are in relationships, 20 are in jail, 20 are "No Good" 20 are "Undateable" and 6 are gay. That would leave 1 good man out of 87. Now... on the other hand out of the 100 women 25 are in relationships, 20 have multiple baby daddy drama, 20 are "Undateable", 20 are caught up in the system and 14 are gay. That would leave one good woman. Now what are the odds of the one good man finding the one good woman? Pretty slim I would say... I think it's time we all adjust our standards... But that's just Trey's Opinion!

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover... We often hear this saying... but do we really follow it? I am a 38 year old single male with no kids, never been married, above average intelligence and gainfully employed. I am a fairly light skinned guy. I am clean cut. I wear suits. I can articulate a sentence. I would consider myself a good man... but how am I perceived?

A lot of those qualities would be considered qualities of a good man... but is that what you are really looking for?

38 and no kids... WOW... something must be wrong with him... why doesn't he have any kids? Never married... WOW nobody wants him... he has a fear of commitment... something must be wrong. He's smart... must be a nerd.. boring... corny. He's clean cut and wears suits and can articulate a sentence without every word being slang... He probably only dates white girls.

Like Paul Mooney said... I guess I make Wayne Brady look like Malcolm X. But that's judging a book by the cover. I consider myself a chamillion I can go to a bar in the hood or a 5 star restaurant. I can chill with the fellas or go to a business meeting. I may not wear my pants hanging around my ankles or have dreads or cornrows (I'm follically challenged) but that doesn't mean I'm not down.

You would be surprised at the amount of times I approach an African American female in the club and she says... I didn't think you would approach me... you look like the type of guy that only dates white girls. You are making assumptions without getting to know me.

I'm gangsta... that's right... I said it... I'm gangsta... but my gangsta is on a corporate level. I'm gonna wear my suit... and go to work, but I'm going to use my street knowledge to gain as much knowledge to carry my game to the next level and translate that into my own thing... or use my street smarts to analysis a situation and figure out how I can turn that into a hustle. Sometimes it's necessary to play the role. I am a Black Man in White America.

So basically this goes back to a previous post (Are there any good men left... go read my previous post) There are good men left; however, you have to Stop Judging A Book By It's Cover. Are you looking in the right places or are you Judging the Book By The Cover without giving him a chance. I'm not saying all women, because I do believe as women become older and more mature they do appreciate this type of male.

My favorite saying is... Don't Let The Smooth Taste Fool Ya... This saying is usually used in association with alcohol... because it may taste good but still get you drunk off your butt. I may look a certain way, but I will surprise you and knock you on your butt. So ladies, It's time you stop letting the smooth taste fool ya... but that's just Treys Opinion

We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty

We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty. (Indoctrinated as defined by Webster on-line dictionary 1 : to instruct especially in fundamentals or rudiments 2 : to imbue with a usually partisan or sectarian opinion, point of view, or principle.)
These are the words of Meshell Ndegeocello, {if you don't know who she is... because her music is a little alternative... I suggest you pick up her album Plantation Lullabies from 93 (one of my favorite albums of all time)} and it's one of the most powerful statements EVER!!! We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty. What does this mean?

Dating back to slavery, a black man could not even make eye contact with a white woman. The perception of white being so beautiful still controls our minds today. Models are tall and thin, have beautiful flowing hair and certain other qualities that attract us to them. This is one of the reasons men date light skinned women... the closest thing to white, they may have the longer hair and the facial features that have been pounded into our head as beautiful. Women feed into this by purchasing weaves, eye lashes, make-up, colored contacts, nose surgery to make their broad nose thin, breast augmentation, removing a rib to have more of a "Coke Bottle Figure" and other surgeries to make themselves feel more attractive.

What happen to the natural? You know just an afro with a pick with a black fist? I've dated women for long periods of time and never saw their real hair. Is it just the fact that it's easier to maintain a weave, it gives you more options, or you don't like your natural hair? What's up with the blond weave that black women wear? We know your hair's not blond!!! What about the perm? I think it was on a Public Enemy CD where I heard... It's not a perm... it's a temporary.

The eye lashes and mascara... do men really care how long or think your eye lashes are? I have never seen a woman and said "Her eye lashes are banging... I gotta talk to her!" What about the colored contacts... Your eyes was brown last week now they are blue or green??? Hummm...
I've dated women that spend hours in front of the mirror... I rather see your natural beauty, not somebody that is keeping Maybelline in business. You looked good last night... but once you washed it all off and woke up in the morning it was a completely different person.

The biggest issue seems to be your body... The model on TV is a size zero... she hasn't eaten since 91!!! Go eat a steak!!! Ladies, it's not necessary to be a size zero to be attractive, booty is in!!! White girls is even gettin booty!!! I don't know where they are getting it from, might be the steroids in the chicken, but it's happening. I believe that as long as it's in proportion it's OK, whether it's a size 5/6... 11/12 or whatever.

If you see a black man with a white woman, 85% of the time it's a white woman white men didn't want any way... unless he's making a lot of money. If you see a black woman with a white man 85% of the time she is attractive... cause he probably has money, or she's feed up with black men or whatever the reason she is usually attractive. Is the black man just happy to get any white woman because he still has this image that white is beautiful in his mind?

We Have Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty... and I guess i fall into that category. If you wanna wear a weave, contacts, etc... that's alright by me. If you have the receipt for your weave... possession is 9/10ths of the law, it's your hair. I guess this all falls back to what I have mentioned in previous posts... It's all a matter of preference... but that's just Trey's Opinion.

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

BLACK PEOPLE, PLEASE, READ & HEED. POIGNANT.The sad thing about this article is that the essence of it is true. The truth hurts. I just hope this sets more Black people in motion towards making real progress. Chris Rock, a Black comedian, even joked that Blacks don't read.Help prove them wrong! Read and pass on.

Please Note:For those of you who heard it, this is the article Dee Lee was reading this morning on a New York radio station. For those of you who didn't hear it, this is very deep. This is a heavy piece and a Caucasian wrote it.Dee Lee, CFPHarvard Financial EducatorsDee Lee

THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES We can continue to reap profits from the Blacks without the effort of physical slavery Look at the current methods of containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED, and SELFISHNESS.

Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once said, "The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it ina book." We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous booksreadily available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their own Black Book- stores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic equality (which should have been their fight all along),but few read consistently, if at all.

GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal.Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christ-mas, out of their 450 billion dollars in total yearly income (2.22%).Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it.Being primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing.They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business. Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, Andthey still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them "Status" or that they have achieved their Dream.They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty because their greed holds them back from collectively making better communities.With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to see huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has evenjeered them, saying he doesn't want their money, and look at how the fools spend more with him than ever before!). They'll continue to show off to each other while we build solid communities with the profitsfrom our businesses that we market to them.

SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the major ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois said that there was an innate division in their culture. A "TalentedTenth" he called it. He was correct in his deduction that there are segments of their culture that has achieved some "form" of success.However, that segment missed the fullness of his work. They didn't read that the "Talented Tenth" was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented Ninety Percent in achieving a better life. Instead, that segment has created another class, a Buppie class that looks down on their people or aids them in a condescending manner. They will never achieve what we have. Their selfishness does not allow them to be able to work together on any project or endeavor of substance. When they do get together, their selfish- ness lets their egos get in the way of their goal Theirso-called help organizations seem to only want to promote their name without making any real change in their community.They are content to sit in conferences and conven- tions in our hotels, and talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best speakers, not to the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness?

They steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM)They do not understand that they are no better than each other because of what they own, as a matter of fact, most of those Buppies are but one or two pay checks away from poverty. All of which is under thecontrol of our pens in our offices and our rooms.Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to read, continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are "helping" their communi- ties by paying dues to organizations which do little other than hold lavish conventions in our hotels.

By the way, don't worry about any of them reading this letter, remember, 'THEY DON'T READ!!!!

(Prove them wrong. Please pass this on! After Reading it..)

Lines of Communication

Okay boys and girls... Is this high school or what? It shouldn't be about waiting to see who's gonna call who first. If you meet somebody and you like them... Does the man have to call first? Is it Okay for a woman to call first? Does it really matter? Have you missed out on a nice guy because you refused to call him first? What if he's busy... or shy... or not a phone person? Is a text acceptable for a first communication? It's not that serious... if you like a guy, pick up the phone and give him a call.

Text messaging is a very powerful tool and I hate to say this... but most guys love text because sometimes women like to talk too much and this way we can keep it straight and to the point. Again, this isn't high school. I'm not trying to stay on the phone all night... remember back in the day... you hang up first... no you hang up first... okay... same time on three... one... two... three... You didn't hang up!!! You didn't hang up either and then you fall asleep on the phone... wake up a couple hours later with the phone cord wrapped around your neck. Some of you might not remember when phones had cords!


You also have to be careful with phone calls and texts. Just because a man calls you, doesn't mean he likes you. Do you have a guy you don't talk to that often... you might get a text or phone call like every Wednesday or Thursday. I hate to tell you this, but he's probably just trying to line up some booty for the weekend. Just a feeler text or phone call to see what kinda feedback he gets then it's on to the next one in alphabetical order.

Since we are talking about phones... it is not okay to go thru your mans phone. If you don't trust him... you probably shouldn't be with him! Going thru the phone is very high school. Most likely he is going to delete the call history before he gets to your house anyway, and once he gets to your house the ringer is placed on silence and the phone is face down on the table. If you have broken codes on cell phones or emails... or even worse called somebody out of the cell phone. WOW! Is it that serious? Have you ever cost your man some potential income because you called somebody that was a business associate or client?

Everybody has a cell phone now... and at one point or another they will all get us in trouble... but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Think I Better Let It Go... Looks Like Another Love TKO

Getting into a relationship can be a lot like boxing. We all bring baggage into our new relationships. Experience is gained from past relationships, and you will carry those experiences with you for the rest of your life. You probably picked up something from your last relationship... whether it was good or bad. After a bad experience you may build walls to protect yourself from repeating the same mistake. It's understandable to keep your guard up to protect yourself from that Mike Tyson blow.

After the last man dogged you out... you probably have built The Great Wall of China around yourself. You may have a really good man trying to court you but you are so damaged from your past relationships you are not willing to let him in. It's definitely risky to open yourself up to be hurt again... but how will you know if this is the right man for you unless you allow yourself to let him in. Like I said... this is a boxing match... so you should keep your guard up but if you keep shutting him down he will eventually act like cockroaches when the light comes on and flee.
Nobody wants to be hurt... but we all have dealt with it before and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You have to be willing to wear your heart on your sleeve if you really like somebody and you want to make it work. The hurt will pass and you will be able to eventually move on.

No matter what the previous man did to you, you are now dealing with a brand new unique individual. Don't make that man pay for the mistakes the previous man made. Again, this is a boxing match and he may start to wear you down after a few rounds... but watch out for that over-hand right. Some men have alternative motives and may put in the time to wear you down just to hit you with the sucker punch... but it's nothing you can do but chalk it up to experience. Not all men are the same... and it would be foolish to act as such. It's wise to keep your guard up... but don't allow your knight in shining armor to ride off in the sunset because you are dealing with issues from previous relationship... but that's just Trey's Opinion

Has the Recession Affected Your Relationship?

The economy is rough right now and most people are affected by high gas prices, high rent, high insurance, high taxes, high food prices, etc.

Taking these factors into consideration... do you find yourself being asked on less dates? Have you been conversing with a guy and wondering why he hasn't asked you out? Maybe he can't take you to that 5 star restaurant you insisted on. Would you consider a walk in the park, going to the beach, how about movie night at home? Other economical dates could include playing pool, bowling, free concerts, or a museum. Take a brother's pockets into consideration when selecting your plans for the evening... It's hard out here and fast money has slowed up.

Unemployment is definitely on the rise. Companies are closing down and people are being laid off every day. If a man you were dating for over a year was to loose his job... would you stand by him? How long would you stand by him if he was actively seeking employment? How about if it the only thing he could find involved a large salary cut? Would you be out on the next thing smoking? These are very real questions that you must think about, because it's becoming a reality for a lot of couples and families. Finances are a very fragile topic and can result in the downfall of a relationship... now more than ever, but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Lovers and Friends

Can men and women be friends? In most situations, when a man meets a woman it is his intention to be more than friends. Often a man finds himself placed into the friend zone. The man will stay in this category in hopes that one day it will be more. As a woman dates loser after loser... he waits in the background, often consulting her through these relationships. He will listen to story after story of how unhappy you are in your relationship, just waiting for the opportunity.

Time passes and the two of you become closer, he may be falling in love with you... but you aren't willing to cross the friendship line. In your eyes he's more like your brother. Is it okay to cross that friendship line? Once that friendship line is crossed, can you go back to being friends if the relationship doesn't work out? Every situation is unique and should be treated as such. The friendship may be ruined or that may really be your soul mate. There's really no way to tell unless you take that chance, but you have to be willing to sacrifice the friendship if you can't go back.

From a males point of view there are only two types of women... Women they have slept with and women they haven't slept with yet (Unless he just isn't attracted to you). If you have a male friend and you haven't crossed that line, at some point he has looked at you and wondered what it would be like to have sex with you. I don't care if he's like your brother... yes him too!!! That doesn't mean he is going to pursue it... It's just how the male mind works.

I do believe men and women can be friends without sleeping together. But the thought will always be in the back of his mind... but that's only Trey's Opinion.