We all know the words to the song of the Late Great Teddy Pendergrass "Tried to take control of the Love... Love took control of me... Cause you lose all thought, sense of time... and have a change of mind. Takin the bumps and bruises... of all the things of being a two-time loser... Tryin to hold on, faith is gone... It's just another sad song. I think I better let it go... looks like another love T.K.O.
How do we know when it's time to let go? Or should we stay in the relationship?
We are all searching for love... and sometimes we think we have found it. But what happens when the new car smell wears off? Hopefully all is well... but what if you realize that this isn't the person for you? Should you stay in the relationship?
You don't want to hurt the other person... but staying in the relationship is unfair to you and the other person. You are wasting your time in a relationship that you have mentally checked out of and the other person is denied an opportunity to find a person that will love them the way they deserve to be loved. It may hurt that person but hopefully they will see in the end that it is best to end the relationship. It will be more painful if you start to neglect, mentally or physically abuse the person or cheat.
Once you have mentally checked out is it possible to check back in? Will counseling help? If you fall out of love is it possible to fall back in? What if children are involved? Should you stay together for the children? Should you stay together because of money? You may not love the person but you make a good team, two incomes are better than one, or maybe that person supports you. There are plenty of relationships/marriages that are just business partnerships... is this the type of relationship you want? I know a lot of people may settle for this. What's Love Got To Do With It???
Maybe it is possible to mentally check back in! We all think the grass is greener on the other side. But who really wants to get back into the dating world. Do you feel like getting to know a new person? I like brocolli... do you like brocolli? We all see people every day that may seem interesting to us... but what drama do they have? What happens when the new car smell wears off with a new person? Are you right back in the same boat? Or maybe you will find true love.
Whatever you decision... just be sure to be honest with your partner... don't waste time... if it's not going to work... I think You Better Let Go... But that's only Trey's Opinion
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
What would you do if you found out you had a sibling you didn't know about???
One of my followers asked the question "If you found out that one of your parents had another child that you didn't know about; would you want to have a relationship with that sibling and how would you feel about your parent not telling you?"
I can't really speak on this from personal experience... well not completely. But I will answer it to the best of my ability and hope it helps. I have to believe this is becoming more and more common now-a-days. This is a very difficult subject, so I hope we can get some feedback.
Like I said, not being in that situation... not that I know of! I think I would want to have a relationship with that sibling. It's not the siblings fault that your parents did not make you aware of this. It is your blood. People are people and what builds bonds with people is not blood but experiences. If you meet a person that says they are your brother or sister. You are acutally meeting a stranger . It is a roll of the dice if you decided to proceed. Could this person enhance your life or be like "Gator" from "Jungle Fever". You dont know because at the end of the day this person is a stranger to you. It may bring resentment towards that parent, so I guess it would depend on the relationship between your parent and the siblings parent.
My parents are still together and have been together over 40 years and there is a strong possibility that I may have a sibling out there that i don't know about. I once had a girl contact me on Myspace and say that she knows my father... she procedes to tell me my father spent so much time at her house she called him dad. I have also seen my father a couple times in public with someone that wasn't my mother.. I was torn... I did not know what to do. Should I tell my mom or should I keep my mouth shut.
As long as I can remember my parents never had a strong relationship... it's been more of a living situation. I think my mom has her suspesions, but she doesn't say anything... they just go on living their seperate lives. I kept my mouth shut. So back to the question. How would i feel? Confused. I guess it mostly depends on the relationship you have with your parents and the relationship your parents have.
I do know a few people that have siblings they didn't know about and have developed relationships with them and maintained the relationship with their parents.
I can't really speak on this from personal experience... well not completely. But I will answer it to the best of my ability and hope it helps. I have to believe this is becoming more and more common now-a-days. This is a very difficult subject, so I hope we can get some feedback.
Like I said, not being in that situation... not that I know of! I think I would want to have a relationship with that sibling. It's not the siblings fault that your parents did not make you aware of this. It is your blood. People are people and what builds bonds with people is not blood but experiences. If you meet a person that says they are your brother or sister. You are acutally meeting a stranger . It is a roll of the dice if you decided to proceed. Could this person enhance your life or be like "Gator" from "Jungle Fever". You dont know because at the end of the day this person is a stranger to you. It may bring resentment towards that parent, so I guess it would depend on the relationship between your parent and the siblings parent.
My parents are still together and have been together over 40 years and there is a strong possibility that I may have a sibling out there that i don't know about. I once had a girl contact me on Myspace and say that she knows my father... she procedes to tell me my father spent so much time at her house she called him dad. I have also seen my father a couple times in public with someone that wasn't my mother.. I was torn... I did not know what to do. Should I tell my mom or should I keep my mouth shut.
As long as I can remember my parents never had a strong relationship... it's been more of a living situation. I think my mom has her suspesions, but she doesn't say anything... they just go on living their seperate lives. I kept my mouth shut. So back to the question. How would i feel? Confused. I guess it mostly depends on the relationship you have with your parents and the relationship your parents have.
I do know a few people that have siblings they didn't know about and have developed relationships with them and maintained the relationship with their parents.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Love isn't Love until it's Gone
My favorite Prince song is "Sometimes it Snow's in April". You probably don't know about this song unless you are a true Prince fan. It's off of the Under the Cherry Moon soundtrack. The very last thing he says as the song goes off is "Love isn't Love until it's gone". This is one of the most profound statements I have ever heard!
Love isn't Love until it's Gone. In the song he is talking about a friend that has passed... but I relate it to relationships. Have you ever had a guy call you up months after a break up... maybe even years later and say you were a "Great Girl" and he messed up or he tries to get you back after he puts you through a lot of crap. This man probably did love you... but at some point he began to take you for granted, wanted to explore his options, thought he had a better option or just plane messed up and let you go.
Every guy has "The one that got away"... which is a very dangerous thing, because every girl after her will be compared to "The one that got away". Once you have been in love and for whatever reason it ended... is it possible to be in love again? Are you comparing your current relationship to the relationship with the person you loved? Did you think you were in love and met somebody new that exceeded that... and thought what could I have been thinking? Are you ready able and willing to be loved?
Love isn't Love until it's gone... If Love isn't Love until it's gone... I guess we are all screwed!!! But it's deeper than Love... It's being "In Love" and there is a difference. Loving somebody mean you don't want anything bad to happen to them, if you could help them in a situation... You would. But being "In Love" means that person is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and every minute in between.
Love isn't Love until it's Gone. In the song he is talking about a friend that has passed... but I relate it to relationships. Have you ever had a guy call you up months after a break up... maybe even years later and say you were a "Great Girl" and he messed up or he tries to get you back after he puts you through a lot of crap. This man probably did love you... but at some point he began to take you for granted, wanted to explore his options, thought he had a better option or just plane messed up and let you go.
Every guy has "The one that got away"... which is a very dangerous thing, because every girl after her will be compared to "The one that got away". Once you have been in love and for whatever reason it ended... is it possible to be in love again? Are you comparing your current relationship to the relationship with the person you loved? Did you think you were in love and met somebody new that exceeded that... and thought what could I have been thinking? Are you ready able and willing to be loved?
Love isn't Love until it's gone... If Love isn't Love until it's gone... I guess we are all screwed!!! But it's deeper than Love... It's being "In Love" and there is a difference. Loving somebody mean you don't want anything bad to happen to them, if you could help them in a situation... You would. But being "In Love" means that person is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and every minute in between.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
First Conversation Mistakes
Most women know if they are going to sleep with a man within the first 5 minutes of meeting. If you are able to get the number... don't mess it up by saying the wrong thing. This post will go over First Conversation Mistakes.
#1 Don't talk about Ex's... She doesn't want to hear about your ex... how much you cared about her, how she dumped you or the crazy break up. Your first convo should be light, fun, and an even exchange of information to get to know each other. We all have a past this is not the time to talk about it. For now... leave it in the past.
#2 Don't talk about Money... We all know we are all impressed by money... If you don't have it... it's okay not to talk about it... If you do have it, you shouldn't flaunt it because it makes you come off as arrogant. If you have it, she will see and if she only wants you for money... is this a girl you really want to deal with?
#3 Be original... Don't hit her with all the pick up lines that she has heard a thousand times before... Be original and genuine
#4 Shut Up!!! Don't dominate the conversation, allow her to talk about herself. Don't talk too much about yourself... She'll be impressed by a man that can listen.
#5 Cut it short... Don't reveal too much... If you don't know what I mean by that, you need to refer back to some of my previous posts. It's all about the thrill of the chase. We all want what we can't have. If you disclose everything there is nothing to pursue.
So when you meet somebody be sure to follow these rules so there will be more than one phone call!!!
Please become a follower.
If you have any questions about relationships, I am here to answer them as honestly as possible from a black males point of view. Email questions to treyfarmer71@hotmail.com
#1 Don't talk about Ex's... She doesn't want to hear about your ex... how much you cared about her, how she dumped you or the crazy break up. Your first convo should be light, fun, and an even exchange of information to get to know each other. We all have a past this is not the time to talk about it. For now... leave it in the past.
#2 Don't talk about Money... We all know we are all impressed by money... If you don't have it... it's okay not to talk about it... If you do have it, you shouldn't flaunt it because it makes you come off as arrogant. If you have it, she will see and if she only wants you for money... is this a girl you really want to deal with?
#3 Be original... Don't hit her with all the pick up lines that she has heard a thousand times before... Be original and genuine
#4 Shut Up!!! Don't dominate the conversation, allow her to talk about herself. Don't talk too much about yourself... She'll be impressed by a man that can listen.
#5 Cut it short... Don't reveal too much... If you don't know what I mean by that, you need to refer back to some of my previous posts. It's all about the thrill of the chase. We all want what we can't have. If you disclose everything there is nothing to pursue.
So when you meet somebody be sure to follow these rules so there will be more than one phone call!!!
Please become a follower.
If you have any questions about relationships, I am here to answer them as honestly as possible from a black males point of view. Email questions to treyfarmer71@hotmail.com
Thursday, January 7, 2010
What's Love Got to Do With It???
Like Tina Turner said, "What's Love Got to Do With It?"
Do people really get together for Love any more? Do we even really know what Love is?
Are we really searching for Love? I don't think so! Often we seek our mate for other reasons. We pursue someone because we are physically attracted to them... whether they are right for us or not. We pursue someone for what they have... physically or financially.
Most men will seek love physically. For most men, it doesn't matter... If she lives at home with her parents... has a couple kids.... and her job is wiping elephants booty with a baby wipe... a guy will talk to her if he finds her attractive. For most men... not all... it doesn't matter what she has financially if he doesn't find her attractive, now there are some men that will use women... don't get me wrong.
On the other hand, if a man works at McDonalds... most women wouldn't give him the time of day. If a man has 3rd degree burns over 95% of his body but pulls up in a new Mercedes Benz a woman will talk to him. Is the man working at McDonalds unable to Love her the same as the crispy guy driving the Mercedes Benz?
A lot of relationships are formed on a business partnership, a successful man and a successful woman may hook up... they may not necessarily love each other... but it's a good business decision for them to be together because their combined income is nice.
Part of the reason the infidelity rate is so high is because we are hooking up for the wrong reasons. A woman that hooks up with a man because of what he has may not be getting satisfied at home... or a man may stray for the same reason... ask Tiger Woods!
So What's Love Got To Do With It?.. Nothing because most of the time the person that Loves YOU for YOU is over-looked for some material reason.
Do people really get together for Love any more? Do we even really know what Love is?
Are we really searching for Love? I don't think so! Often we seek our mate for other reasons. We pursue someone because we are physically attracted to them... whether they are right for us or not. We pursue someone for what they have... physically or financially.
Most men will seek love physically. For most men, it doesn't matter... If she lives at home with her parents... has a couple kids.... and her job is wiping elephants booty with a baby wipe... a guy will talk to her if he finds her attractive. For most men... not all... it doesn't matter what she has financially if he doesn't find her attractive, now there are some men that will use women... don't get me wrong.
On the other hand, if a man works at McDonalds... most women wouldn't give him the time of day. If a man has 3rd degree burns over 95% of his body but pulls up in a new Mercedes Benz a woman will talk to him. Is the man working at McDonalds unable to Love her the same as the crispy guy driving the Mercedes Benz?
A lot of relationships are formed on a business partnership, a successful man and a successful woman may hook up... they may not necessarily love each other... but it's a good business decision for them to be together because their combined income is nice.
Part of the reason the infidelity rate is so high is because we are hooking up for the wrong reasons. A woman that hooks up with a man because of what he has may not be getting satisfied at home... or a man may stray for the same reason... ask Tiger Woods!
So What's Love Got To Do With It?.. Nothing because most of the time the person that Loves YOU for YOU is over-looked for some material reason.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I'mmmm BACKKKKK!!!!
I know... I know... I haven't posted in a while... but I'm back... and better than before as if that was possible. I will be coming out with new and interesting topics... and as always, I am here to answer your questions as honestly as possible. In the meantime, check out my previous posts and stay tuned for new topics.
Become a follower and hit me up with your questions.
Thanks,
Trey
Become a follower and hit me up with your questions.
Thanks,
Trey
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