"Saggin Pants"

This is powerful... something to think about... "Saggin Pants"



Pass this on Our Youth, Our Parents,
Our Black Men and Women


Letter from a college student


The other day, a friend of mine visited me in the lobby of my dorm just to chat while her laundry was drying. As we were chatting, two young freshmen came by. One of the two boys wanted to 'talk' to my friend (as in date)... She asked him how old they were, and both of the boys replied 18. My friend and I both laughed hysterically because we are both 22 years old. After my friend left, the young men were still hanging around and one wanted to know how he could gain her interest.


The first thing I told him to do was to pull up his pants! He asked why, and then said he liked saggin ' his pants. I told him to come over to my computer and spell the word saggin'. Then I told him to write the word saggin ' backwards.


S-A-G-G-I-N

N-I-G- G-A-S

I told him the origin of that look was from centuries ago. It was the intent of slave owners to demoralize the field workers by forbidding them to wear a belt as they worked in the fields or at any other rigorous job. In addition, men in prison wore their pants low when they were 'spoken for'. The other reason their pants looked like that was they were not allowed to have belts because prisoners were likely to try to commit suicide.

Also, saggin' pants prevents you from running.

We as young Black people have to be the ones to effect change. We are dying. The media has made a mockery of the Black American. Even our brothers and sisters from Africa don't take us seriously. Something as simple as pulling up your pants and standing with your head held high could make the biggest difference in the world's perception of us. It is time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and embrace each other. No one is going to do that for us. It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what reality to them is. We have to change not only the media's perception of us, but we need to change our perception of ourselves.


Remember all eyes are on you, Black Man. All eyes are on you, Black Woman. All eyes are on your Black Child. People point the finger at us and expect us to engage in negative and illegal activities, to manifest loud, boisterous behavior, to spend our hard earned money in their stores, buying goods we don't need, or really want. We have allowed not only the media, but the government and the world to portray us as a 'sub-culture. ' They have stripped our culture down to the point where the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug users, and consumers of junk food, expensive tennis shoes, expensive cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in homes for our families. We are so much more!!!

To all our Black Men : It's time to stand up. There are billions of Black Women who want to do nothing more than worship the ground that you walk on. We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, we want to love, support, and cherish every ounce of your being. But with that you have to show that you are willing to be the head of our households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submission. We need you to be hard working...Not a hustler. We need you to seek higher education, to seek spirituality. We need you to stand! And trust us; we will have your back. We know that it gets hard. We know you get weary. Trust and believe that there is nothing that a Black Man and a Black Woman can't handle with GOD on their side.


To all our Black Women : It is also time for you to stand up. It is time for you to stop using your bodies as your primary form of communication. It is time to be that virtuous woman that Proverbs spoke of. You cannot sit by the wayside while our men are dying by the masses. You are the epitome of Black Love. It starts within you. You need to speak with conviction to let not only our Black Men know, but the world, that you are the Mothers of this world. You are so powerful. You are so beautiful. You need to love and embrace every blessing God has given us physically, emotionally and spiritually.


For all our Black Children : We need to love them. We need to teach them. We need to stand up for them. We need to protect them. We need to show them that there are no 'get rich quick' schemes. We need to tell them that they WILL die trying if they submit to a life of crime and deceit. We need to teach our children that no one will love them the way we can. And being a basketball player, a rapper, or a drug dealer is not reality. It's not realistic and only a small percentage of people ever make it as a rapper or professional athlete. We need to teach our children that we can be more than rappers and athletes. We can be the owners of these sports teams. We can be the CEO's of OUR fortune 500 companies.
We need to believe in literacy.


Please Keep This Going & Have a wonderful day.

'This is the year of empowerment. '
God will empower us to accomplish
things this year that will be mind blowing'. GOD BLESS, Ellis Henderson

Men Wear Make-Up Too!

It's a well know fact that women wear tight clothes, short clothes, high heel shoes, weaves, foundation, eye liner, blush, lipstick etc. to enhance their appearance... But men wear make-up too.

Men don't literally wear make-up... well some do... but that's another post. What men do is they wear expensive sneakers, shoes or boots, jeans or a shirt with the latest designer's name big as day all over, or drive expensive cars. But that's what I like to call smoke and mirrors.

Just like men like to see the tight jeans, high heel shoes, etc... Women like to see the expensive sneakers, designer clothes, and expensive cars. What about that persons personality? Are you really attracted to the person or the appearance? While talking to a friend I heard one of the most ludicrous things I ever heard. She said when she was younger she would date a guy based on the sneakers he wore! She also stated that she didn't return a guys phone calls because he had the audacity to come to her house in a car with cloth interior... not leather! Is a leather interior that serious? Women always complain there are no "Good Men"... well maybe he was a good man... he just had cloth interior... but he was never given the chance.

When David Copperfield performs a magic trick, he uses smoke and mirrors to distract your attention. But when you see beyond the smoke and mirrors you understand how the trick was performed. As long as men and women continue to be so shallow and be obsessed with the outward appearance you will never understand what's behind the smoke and mirrors... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Dating Women With Children

The older I become, the more difficult it becomes to find a woman without kids. There is nothing wrong with kids, but due to the fact that I don't have any... it's been my preference to date women without kids. That's exactly what it is... A Preference! Often times women with children get upset when I say I don't like to date women with kids. But just like tall or short, light or dark... black, white or other... It is a preference.

I have dated women with children, I have even lived with women that had children. Children can be fun, but some children do not receive the proper discipline. I've been wet by a water hose when I had a suit on, had things come up missing and of course the thing that men love to hear most when dating a woman with children... "You aren't my daddy!" So does that mean they don't have to listen? If you are dating a woman with a child... at what point is it appropriate to discipline the child... and to what extent? Can you yell at the child? Can you spank the child? Or does the child do what they want... when they want? If I do date a woman with a child, I prefer a young child... because if that is someone I am going to be with long term I can be more of an influence on the way the child is raised before they are set in their ways.

Another reason I shy away from dating women with children is because the child's father will still be in the woman's life. Most of the time the man has messed up so bad the woman doesn't want anything to do with him. But speaking from a mans perspective.... No man wants to imagine his ex having sex with another man... and giving an opportunity he would sleep with her again. Given the fact that a woman has a child by a man presents more opportunity for them to hook back up... So when she's dropping off little Johnny... that's not the only thing she's dropping.

Dating women with children also put limitations on the things that you can do. You may not be able to go out when you want to or stay up as late as you want. Children have a tendency to wake up early... ready to play! They don't want to watch the news, drink a cup of coffee, read the newspaper... they are ready to play... EARLY!!!

I have also dated women that didn't have the cutest kids... How are you suppose to handle that? They come home from school like... "The kids were making fun of me calling me ugly!" What am I suppose to say.... "WELLLLLL!!!!"

The older i become dating women with children is more a fact of life... So I guess I will have to adjust... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Misery Loves Company

We often hear the phrase "Misery Loves Company"... this is very true... Mentally, Emotionally and Financially. When you are consulting your friends for advise... have you evaluated their situation?

I am approaching the age of 40, I have never been married and I don't have any kids. I would eventually love to do these things, especially while my parents are still alive. When I am involved with someone I find that my friends never have anything positive to say. My female friends say negative things even if they haven't met her. My male friends don't have anything positive to say and they try to get me to go out more or try to get me to talk to other women. They say "No Man Is an Island", but I choose to stay to myself. I know a lot of people, but choose to involve myself with few. I made a conscious decision to eliminate the negative people from my life, which leads to a lot of time by myself... but when I am involved with somebody that allows me to focus 100% on that person without negative influence. Most of my friends have children and are divorced. If I allow them to influence my decisions I will never get married when they all say to avoid it.

Ladies, if you have met a man and everything seems great do your girlfriends have negative things to say? All men are the same... All men are dogs... Don't trust him girl!!! Are you letting the voice of your jaded girlfriends to influence your decision? This is your life and you have to make the decision on what will make you happy. Don't allow the bad choices that your friends have made influence your decision. I believe that people have a tendency to choose the same type of person... if your girlfriend chooses knucklehead after knucklehead you shouldn't be taking advise from her.

Do you have a friend that something bad always happens to? Are they always sick or have some type of ailment? Is something bad always happening to them or somebody they know? I run from those type of people. All that bad stuff is happening to them and people they know... let me get away from them before that bad stuff happens to me!!! This can be draining and have an effect on your life.

If you don't know... I am a fan of "Old School Rap" and EPMD said a long time ago... "If you hang with 9 broke friends you bound to be the 10th one". It is necessary to surround yourself with positive people and successful people. I always say, "It's not what you know... It's who you know". If you are in the circles of successful people you have a better chance of being successful. If you surround yourself with guys with no job and sit on the couch and play Playstation all day or women that don't want to do anything for themselves you are more likely to fall into one of those categories. It's time to change... The bible says "When I was a child... I thought i spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child... But when I became a man I put away those childish things" Not enough of us are putting away those childish things.... when we do... we will have better relationships. When I say childish things... I don't only mean Playstation... I mean childish mentalities.


Be careful about the type of people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with people who are miserable... you will be miserable. If you surround yourself with people that are successful financially and in good strong relationships, you have a better chance of be successful and in a productive relationship. Have you ever walked into a seafood store and noticed that the crabs never have a cover on the basket? Because anytime one of the crabs try to get out of the basket the other crabs pull him back down. People can be like crabs... because when you try to elevate to the next level they try to pull you back down... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Women are turning "Good Men" into "Not so Much"

We often hear women say there is a shortage of "Good Men". Again, I ask what exactly is a "Good Man"... attractive, good job, good build and good credit? Or can a good man be average looking, average job, average build and average credit? Or is it just a man that treats you good?



Whatever the description, the more women advertise that there are no "Good Men" the more men who consider themselves to be "Good Men" take advantage of the situation. "Good Men" realize there is a shortage of "Good Men" and women are willing to deal with this "Good Man" even if he is seeing more than one woman. So is he still a "Good Man"? Not So Much!

So I think it again goes back to qualifying exactly what's a "Good Man". If a man lives with his mother does that make him not a "Good Man"? What if he's saving up to buy a house or he's there to help his mother? What if he doesn't drive a nice car and lives in a one bedroom apartment... does this not qualify him as a good man? Are women so materialistic they can only see what a man for what he displays? Did you ever stop to think that maybe he's saving money? If he has a big car note and a big mortgage that's less money to spend on dates, travel, etc? What if his credit is good? The way the economy is a lot of people's credit has been effected. I hear radio ads all the time saying "GOOD CREDIT BAD CREDIT NO CREDIT DIVORCE REPO YOU CAN STILL BUY A CAR"!!! I have been a realtor for over 10 years and I have seen people straighten out their credit and buy a house. Even after a bankruptcy it is possible to buy a house FHA 2 years out of bankruptcy. Maybe he isn't good with money, but with your guidance he can be better.

Now that "Good Men" realize they can use their "Good Man Tag" to date more women... the few "Good Men" available might not be that "Good" anymore. Women have to start looking beyond the surface and look at a man's potential... You might be surprised at what you find... but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Why Don't Black Women Date Outside Their Race???

I have a question for black women. Why is it that only a small percentage of black women date outside of their race? Black men have been doing it for years. If the black man is not willing to commit to a black woman, marry a black woman or be a father to his children, then why wouldn’t you consider dating outside of your race? We are a dying race, so I am not trying to encourage it; however, if multitudes of our women can not find happiness in black men than I can not discourage it either.

I give a lot of credit to the black woman. She is the strongest woman on the planet. To be able to deal with the black mans unwillingness to commit, infidelity and willingness to date outside of his race effortlessly. She also raises our children, the majority of the time alone. And she still stands by her black man unwavering.

Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006. There are many reasons that this happens. One would be that black men are willing to shack up but never get married. We have all heard the phrase "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Another reason may be that once you are divorced he will lose half. Yet another reason is that women are becoming more educated and successful and may over achieve their male counterpart. Not to mention the men that date outside of their race, are on drugs, incarcerated, or on the down-low.
If there is a shortage of "Good" black men, then why limit yourself to black men? Why continue to be over-looked, disrespected, and mistreated? If a White, Asian, Latino or any other man for that matter is willing to put you on a pedestal, respect you and treat you good… why not give him the opportunity?

Is it the chocolate skin? Is it the myths about penis size? Is it a lack of chemistry? Is it fear of being ridiculed by family and friends? Males of other races may be more likely to have his stuff together and a plan for getting married and having children. It seems as if Asian women and Black men are both dating their white counterparts. A new trend is Asian men and Black women… Is this an option or just a trend? If black men are unwilling to step up to the plate than maybe you should consider another option. As long as you find somebody that treats you right and makes you happy... does it matter what they are?

I would like your feedback on dating outside of your race.

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Thanks,
Trey

The Voices In My Head? Is This Why Black Men Cheat???

I hear voices in my head! Does that make me crazy? Okay, maybe not voices but there is a conflict going on... id versus ego... maybe an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The angel always tells me to find a good girl and settle down, but the devil is awfully loud... The devil tells me it's fun to be single and date.

The angel is the voice of reason. It tells me it's time to stop running the streets and settle down and be in a committed relationship. The devil tells me it's more fun to be single... Hey, let's go to the club tonight. It's more fun to date multiple women. The angel tells me why are you here at the club... if you meet a woman here she was here last week... she's here this week and she'll be here next week... You won't find what you are looking for here. The devil tells me why are you sitting in the house... so what if she's not what you are looking for... she may not be Mrs Right... but we are looking or Mrs. Right Now.

The angel tells me if I have a good girl, that has my back, I should chill. The devil tells me she's a good girl, but there are so many beautiful women in the world.... are you sure you can't find a better one... Look at the girl that just walked into the 7 - Eleven. The angel tells me I want her to be the mother of my kids. The devil tells me she gets half my stuff.

We always want what we don't have. If you are single you want to be in a relationship, sometimes when you are in a relationship you want to be single.

I don't literally hear voices... but these thoughts do cross my mind. I don't know if this is the thought process for other men... But if it is, it could explain why black men do the things we do... Do they have any relationship Paxil? What can be done to change this? The sooner we find the answer... the sooner we will know why Black Men are afraid to commit... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

How to know if You are the ONE

One of my readers, Nichole, asks how long does it take for a man to know if you are the "ONE". This is a very difficult question to answer, and there is nothing written in stone. It will definitely depend on the individual and his maturity level.

Do you believe in love at first site? I don't... In the beginning it may be lust or infatuation. Is it love if the feeling isn't reciprocated? How do you know if you love the person if you really don't know the person. For the first 90 days both parties may be showing their representative. My mom told me a long time ago for the first 90 days everything should be great, but if you are already arguing during the first 90 days cut it off. After the first 90 days is the physical attraction the same? I am a strong believer in once the physical is gonna, it's the mental that keeps you attracted. Like I always say, there are exceptions to the rule and love at first site is possible.

After the first 90 days, and real life becomes involved... you know.... work, life, love, kids and bills... are the feelings still the same? If they are... cool... you are on the right track. But I am a strong believer in living with someone before you get married. You can date somebody or be committed to somebody... but until you live with them and realize their idiosyncrasies, you really don't know that person. I have dated some beautiful women, but they lived like pigs and I'm pretty anal so that would never work.

I always say, I have to date somebody for at least a year and a half before I know if they are the "ONE", and during that year and a half, best believe you will be going through a battery of tests.
I want to make sure we things in common, I want to make sure we can have fun together and I want to make sure we have common goals. If all that is in place then I want to make sure I am still physically and mentally attracted.

Like I said earlier... it also depends on his maturity level, is he ready for just "ONE"? Because if he isn't... you will never be the one. As I mentioned in previous post, every mans fear is that as soon as he settles, something better will come along. If he wants to keep one foot out the door, then you will never be the one.

So; to answer your question, how to know how long it determines a man to know if you are the one.... There is no answer. Some men will know immediately, it may take other men a while, and other men may never know. My favorite Prince song, "Sometimes It Snows In April" says it best... "Love isn't Love Until It's Gone". Do you ever wonder why men always come back to you after the relationship has ended and say you were the best girl he ever had? Because when he was with you he took you for granted. After the fact, he realizes what he had.

So the answer to your question, "How long does it take for a man to realize if you are the one?" Unfortunately, for most men, probably when it's too late... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

The Black Male Ego ~ FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE

The Male Ego in psychoanalysis, is the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality. The male ego can push him to greater heights, but it can also make it very difficult to date him.

The Male Ego is a very fragile thing. We fight wars to increase the White Man's Ego. But The Black Man's Ego is a completely different topic. The Black Man's Ego is VERY sensitive and controls our behavior directly. From the minute you meet a guy it is already playing a part. Do you find that more unattractive men... or a man you wouldn't qualify on your level approach you than attractive men or men on your level? The lesser attractive man may have a high level of self confidence... either that or a higher tolerance for rejection!!! The more attractive guy may also have a big ego but may not have a high tolerance for rejection and to approach a female and be rejected may damage that sensitive ego. He may walk around for the next day or two like... "What happened? Did I have a boogie?"

The Black Male Ego effects almost every aspect of his life... even down to video games. The Black Male Ego causes him to be very competitive. Next time you are wrestling with your man... even if you have the ability... you may want to think twice before picking him up and body slamming him. I don't care if you are Lisa Leslie... let him win on the basketball court. Most importantly... Whatever you do... DO NOT BEAT HIM IN MADDEN 10!!!

One of my readers Shequita asks "Why can't men just say what is on their mind or what they feel?" The answer is quite simple! The Black Male Ego!!! If a guy wears his feelings on his sleeves, that puts him in a position of vulnerability. If he expresses his feelings they may not be reciprocated. He may feel this expression is a sign of weakness and will be used to manipulate him or even the worse possibility... make him looked "Whipped" to his friends. His friends and his ego have a huge impact on your relationship. A man wants to date an attractive woman so when he takes her around his friends he can flaunt her... he wants arm candy. As soon as she goes into the bathroom he is going to ask "What do you think? Is she fine?" If she doesn't receive the approval from his friends... her days are numbered! Most likely he will NEVER express how he feels about you to his friends in fear of facing criticism. I am going to talk about this in greater detail in an upcoming post. One of the reasons it is so hard for black women to find a good man or a man that doesn't cheat is because of the perception of his friends. Black men want to appear as if they are "Players" and date multiple women because that is perceived as cool to their friends. Being committed to one woman and being a good father is a lost concept.

The Black Male expects to be more powerful and earn more money when in a relationship. As mentioned in a previous post, the Black Male may not hold a position of power at his current place of employment... so when he comes home he expects to be in control. He expects to be the bread-winner and make decisions that effect the household. With women having more of a presence in the work place and earning equal or greater pay this may not be the case. That can be a devastating blow to the male ego. If you are living comfortable and are happy in your present situation, but he can not take you to the places you want to go or provide the extras... that may make him feel like less than a man. Until I was in my 30's I pretty much dated dependent women, as I got older and started to date women that actually had their own place and car and had a good job... It was a new experience and I was a little intimidated by this. After evaluating the situation, I realized that if you have 2 people with good incomes, working together towards a common goals it will be easier to achieve the American Dream.

The Black Male Ego has been damaged through slavery, the police, employers and women. This must be taken into consideration when dating the Black Male. The sooner you learn to understand the male ego... the better your relationships will be... but that's just Trey's Opinion!

I Can't take credit for this... but it's GOOD!!!

Girls Piss Me Off ! ! !

Girls Piss Me Off..

"can you tell im single"? ? ? I swear that if I wasn't sexually attracted to girls that I'd be gay.

At least guys make sense most the time. First off, girls just talk way too much. When you're with your other girlfriends, go ahead and talk about whatever the *%#^ you want. I don't care. But why exactly do you think that I care about the kind of day that your sisters co-workers dog had? Your sister is nice enough, but I don't know her co-worker and I certainly don't know her dog. So why the *%#^ are you telling me this story? I don't care! If you have something worth talking about, then I can enjoy engaging you in a meaningful conversation. But before you start talking to me about some of the insane frivolous #^%# that you talk to your girlfriends about, first ask yourself "Does this have a point?". Because if it doesn't I'm just going to smile, and nod, and zone out and you'll get mad because I'm not listening to your retarded #^%#!

Stop over complicating everything. There isn't an ulterior motive or hidden meaning in every other sentence. Unless, I suppose, it's coming out of the mouth of another woman. Because you ladies never can seem to say what you actually mean. You have this weird secret code that you love to try and crack and expect us guys to be able to get in on your stupid game. Guys aren't like that. Rarely rarely RARELY will you ever have to figure out what a guy is actually saying. We say what we mean. Girls have such a skewed sense of logic that this simple concept is often lost on them. When you go searching for some deeper meaning that isn't there, you're just committing to an act of futility. In the end you wind up making up some bull**** and believing that it must be true and acting on that false reality and making a mess of something for no apparent reason other than the fact that you're in-^~^#ing-sane.

Stop getting upset at guys for trying to help solve your problems. That's what guys do. You present us with a problem, we're going to try and fix it. It's in our ^~^#ing nature. I know it's in your nature to want to talk about everything, but if you're going to bring up your problems to a guy, expect that he's going to try and do something about it or give you advice. Women always bitch that guys don't listen. It's not that we don't listen, we just don't understand why you're bringing up your problems if you don't want us to do something about it. We're not as empathetic as your girlfriends, so if you want empathy, go to them. Likewise, if guys have a problem, they'll probably only bring it up if they need help or advice. Many women will bitch that guys don't talk enough. It's not that guys don't talk, it's just that your empathy doesn't help solve our problems when we do talk.

One of the most insanely frustrating things about women is the constant reassurance. No, you're not fat. If you were fat you wouldn't be able to fit into that size 2 dress. And yes, you look good. Guys wouldn't be giving you free *^!# if you were ugly. (There's an ulterior #*!^ing motive for you. Hint: They're not giving you free stuff just to be sweet.) It's so frustrating having to constantly answer those questions, only to not be believed. It's like trying to convince someone that the sky is blue. You're not blind, you're not even color blind. You can see that the sky is blue. Yet you continue to ask what color the sky is. I tell you it's blue. I know that you know what color blue is. And even though I've told you that the sky is blue about fifty-million times, you still have to ask because...I don't know...maybe it's not blue today. The sky is *^!*ing blue goddammit! You're not *!~^ing fat! You're not *!~^ing ugly! You know it, I know it, everyone *!~^ing knows it! And ^*#! all you ultra-hot girls that bitch about the most retarded things. Yeah, all men are *^!*ing pigs because they stare at your boobs. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you're wearing a skin tight low cut shirt that has 'Bebe' printed across your boobs... one 'Be' per boob. It's totally unfair that you have to put up with guys staring at you all the time just because you like to look sexy. And boo hoo, it's so hard for you to meet a nice guy. Well actually it isn't, because the shoulder your crying on belongs to a nice guy. He's the one that puts up with all your stupid *!~%. And yet you some how end up with all the a**holes. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that you're holding out for a six foot tall alpha-male fire fighter with a trust fund. And finally, yay for you. You sold a freezer to some eskimos. Congratulations on being the hot sales rep. We're all very proud of you for being able to have a nice a** while the rest of us actually have to work for a living. And we're all so excited to see your new diamond jewelry. Your ability to date another rich *^!%tard that will shower you with expensive bobbles is commendable. And I'll be so surprised and sorry for you when he dumps you for the next hot girl. Because I really thought that materialistic trophy bagger was in love with you. But I'm happy to hear that you wrecked your fifth car while multi-tasking between your cell phone and doing your make up in the mirror. Your dedication to enforcing the stereotype of women drivers is nothing short of awe inspiring. And you're right, I was being a shallow douchebag when I commented on the hotness of Eva Longoria. So lets go see that movie where Johnny Depp makes out with Orlando Bloom on Brad Pitts abs.. I know you've been dying to see that one. Girls...you piss me the *%~# off. You do stupid *^!* and manage to get away with it.... You can be the most annoying idiots in the world. Your sense of logic and common sense seems to be a rare gift rather than a common trait. And yet I'm uncontrollably attracted to you. And that's quite possibly the most frustrating thing of all. --YES IM STILL SINGLE

author unknown

Why Black Men Date Outside Of Their Race

I know this is going to be a sensitive subject... so if you have thin skin... PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!! As always, this is only my opinion... I can't speak for all black men... I can only tell it from my perspective.

Personally I do not discriminate due to race creed or color. I have dated white girls, girls from Burma, the Philippines, Guyana, Mulatto, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Costa Rica, South Africa, West Africa, Brazil, London, Poland, Mexico and other parts of the world. For me it wasn't that I was pursuing a certain thing... I found the woman attractive. Don't get it twisted the majority of the women I have dated have been black. I've dated extremely light skinned women to women so dark when they got out the car the oil light came on... so dark they would walk down the street and the lights would come on... so dark they had to get a tattoo in white.

First of all, I believe from my experience I am stereotyped by black women... So a woman from around the way may not find me to be her type... but if that same woman saw me with a woman from another race, I would be a sell out. Well, if I'm not your type of guy you shouldn't be concerned who I am with. A lot of women say I look like I date white women, but I have never been in a relationship with a white woman.

Secondly, I find that dating women from other countries... and I don't mean you are Dominican but you were born and raised in America... I mean a woman that has only been here for a few months or years is more appreciative of the smaller things. A woman that is born and raised in New Jersey, if you take her to Atlantic City... it's like "I've been here 100 times... the last guy I was here with got a better room... etc, etc, etc." instead of enjoying the fact that your man tried to do something nice. But a woman that has never been to Atlantic City will appreciate it a lot more because it's a new experience. There are also less likely to be "Americanized", meaning it's not all about the money or what he has... it's more about him. (It might be about a green card! But that's another topic!) Plus an accent is always cute.

But I guess the question would be why do Black Men shy away from Black Women. One reason would be that women are becoming more and more independent. Being independent is a good thing (See previous post) but again... you have to let a man be a man, and a lot of women have a hard time doing that. It's getting to the point that women are becoming so independent it makes black men feel as if they aren't needed. As long as she has some "D" batteries she will be ok.

Another reason is they will not consider a blue collar man. Good men are being overlooked because of their profession or income level. (See previous post) A lot of women expect a man to be earning a six figure income where they can just step in and go shopping, live in the big house and drive the nice car. There isn't really a desire to build things together and take it to the next level.

Black women have been said to be hot headed and have bad attitudes. Personally I think this doesn't waiver between races... but ya'll got too much enjoyment out of the song "I bust the windows out your car"

It's also said that black women stop caring about your appearance. Men are visual creatures... once you get us, you can't stop doing your hair and just coming over in a pair of sweat pants. Continue to do what you did to get us.

It's been said that black women are as sexually open as other women. I haven't found this to be true... but that's from my experience... as a matter of fact my best sexual experiences have been with dark skinned women.

Black women do not seem to be empathetic to the black mans struggle in White America. Women may think that this does not exist... but it is real! I have worked in offices for years and even though I am considered a "Safe Negro" they still look at me as a threat. We may be over-looked for jobs, promotions, or opportunities because of the color of our skin. We need our women to understand this. Remember the song with Method Man and Mary J. Blige "All I Need" sometimes we need you to rub us on our back and say it's gonna be okay.

It's also been said that black women do not cater to their men. When I was in Dominican Republic the women prepared dinner, the men sat down and ate, and the women ate what was left over. Now that's a little extreme; however, you do need to make your man feel appreciated.

Why do black men date white women? I have never seen my best friend of 30 years date a black woman... maybe 1! I believe he does this because a lot of them have low self esteem (They are usually average to below average looking, which fits into the stereotype of black men going out with less attractive white women). They are easier to manipulate so he can get what he wants from them. He can get sex from them easier without spending a lot of money and they are nastier. White women will also take abuse from black men and do anything to keep their man. White women are still considered trophies or a symbol they "Made It" which I feel dates back to the days of slavery where a black man could not even make eye contact with a white women. It's also believed that white women make it easier to get away... they don't have you all tied up with child support etc. White women will also buy things and co-sign for cars and stuff!!!

I think other reasons men date outside of their race is because of the physical attributes of other races. One reason would be hair. Some women from other races have long hair or "Good Hair" and some men find this attractive. Like I said in a previous post, I don't have a problem with weaves... but we all know you can't mess with most black woman's hair! Women from different parts of the world have exotic looks. Dating a Puerto Rican woman or Dominican woman... what I like to call "The other white meat" allows you to get the beautiful skin tones, nice hair and still get a girl with a nice booty (and the attitude)... even white girls have booties now-a-days!

All in all, I love women of all races! Women are beautiful... they come in all different colors and shapes and sizes. We are all people, if you are attracted to a man or a woman from a different race that treats you good and makes you happy then we should all be open to it without being criticized but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Answering The Questions Women REALLY Want the Answers To

I am here to answer the questions women would like to know the REAL answers to from a males point of view.

So send me questions and I will answer them for you... I just hope too many men don't get mad for revealing our secrets!!!

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Thanks, Trey

Why Do Black Men Cheat???

Ok... I'm gonna try to talk about the question I am sure you are all dying to hear the answer. Now remember this is only Trey's Opinion... so I can only give it to you from my perspective.

I consider myself to be a pretty faithful guy... to the point where my male friends are amazed; however, if I am dating that's a different story. Now once I have made the commitment that it will be me and that person... that's what it is. When the love making becomes boring or routine I will purchase outfits or make suggestions for improvement. If that doesn't work, I will end the relationship before I cheat.

So... Why do black men cheat? There are numerous reason why black men cheat. It may be Primal Instinct... It may be the need to conquer as many women as possible... But I think it's much deeper than that.

Three out of four men cheat... why? For one reason, it's easier than ever before! With the assistance of advance technology such as cell phones, email, voicemail and the Internet it's much easier to maintain contact with that mistress. MySpace, Match.com, BlackPeoplemeet and other dating websites make it easier than ever to reach out to women that he may have never been able to contact before and be discrete with his communication.

There are more women in the workplace and lunch with a co-worker can lead to a lot more now. Men or women in power may use their power to get what they want... including your man! You spend 40+ hours per week with your co-workers... depending on your schedules... you may not spend that with your spouse.

Sometimes a man needs to reassure himself... he wants to make sure "He still has it" and by cheating, that will confirm that he does. The male ego is a very delicate thing and needs to be stroked from time to time. There may also be self esteem issues, where it is necessary to make himself feel better... or he is unable to be in a productive relationship because he is unhappy with himself.

WHAT A RUSH... It could be just for the adrenaline. Sneaking around without getting caught. Going back to the thrill of the chase. Remember when you first started making love to your partner? There was a lot more foreplay... a lot more passion... but now it's just like hurry up and let me get some before I go to sleep. The need to get back to that original passion may be the driving force.

This is 2009 and women are going for what they want, including your man. Women are initiating these extra marital affairs as well. Do you get mad if your man comes home and he doesn't have his wedding ring on? This may actually be a good thing. Many of my married friends say that having that wedding band on is like a magnet. Women know they can get what they want without a commitment. (Yes there are women out there too that want to have sex without commitment.) I was thinking about going out and buying a wedding band and wearing it to the club!

You have to stop allowing it to happen. That's Right! One of the reasons it happens is because you allow it. How many times has a man cheated on you and sweet talked his way back into your bed? Promised it wouldn't happen again? Or would you would rather deal with a cheating man than be alone? If he cheated on you when you were his girlfriend or fiancee... he's probably gonna cheat when he's your husband.

Women often say absence makes the heart grow fonder... which may be true. But don't become to involved in playing the "unavailable" game. Men say while the cats away the mouse will play. It's true that spending too much time with your mate will make the relationship become routine a lot faster, but it's necessary to have that balance so he doesn't find someone else to fill that free time.

I believe I touched on this in one of my previous posts... If a man eats lobster every day for 365 days, eventually he's gonna want a hamburger. So the answer to the reason why men cheat is because... the only thing better than a cookie... is a new cookie! But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Are There Any Good Black Women Left???

We often hear the question "Are There Any Good Black Men Left?". Well I'm asking... Are There Any Good Women Left? Are these women posing the question Are There Any Good Men... Good Women? We may still be unclear on exactly what a "Good Man" is... attractive, physically fit, gainfully employed, no baby mama drama, intelligent, good sense of humor, etc??? Well let's turn the question around!

Are the women asking this question attractive women? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I can't answer this question without bias; however, most attractive women are hot commodities.

Are the women physically fit? Time has an effect on our bodies... and let's face it... none of us are getting any younger. As women get older there body doesn't bounce bacck like it use to after having a baby. Something I heard on the radio, I'm not sure if it's tue... is that a lot of black women don't go to the gym!

Are the women gainfully employed? Today, there are a large amount of women that are going to college, pursuing a career and holding it down on there own. However, there are still women that are caught up in the system or use men as a source of income. These women would also be considered a hot commodity.

Do these women have baby daddy drama? If women are concerned about a man having baby mama drama... that means we have to be concerned about baby daddy drama... sometimes multiple baby daddy drama. As I am approaching 40 I find it more difficult to find a woman with no children or maybe just one.

Black women out number black men approximately 100 to 87. So let's say out of the 87 men 20 are in relationships, 20 are in jail, 20 are "No Good" 20 are "Undateable" and 6 are gay. That would leave 1 good man out of 87. Now... on the other hand out of the 100 women 25 are in relationships, 20 have multiple baby daddy drama, 20 are "Undateable", 20 are caught up in the system and 14 are gay. That would leave one good woman. Now what are the odds of the one good man finding the one good woman? Pretty slim I would say... I think it's time we all adjust our standards... But that's just Trey's Opinion!

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover... We often hear this saying... but do we really follow it? I am a 38 year old single male with no kids, never been married, above average intelligence and gainfully employed. I am a fairly light skinned guy. I am clean cut. I wear suits. I can articulate a sentence. I would consider myself a good man... but how am I perceived?

A lot of those qualities would be considered qualities of a good man... but is that what you are really looking for?

38 and no kids... WOW... something must be wrong with him... why doesn't he have any kids? Never married... WOW nobody wants him... he has a fear of commitment... something must be wrong. He's smart... must be a nerd.. boring... corny. He's clean cut and wears suits and can articulate a sentence without every word being slang... He probably only dates white girls.

Like Paul Mooney said... I guess I make Wayne Brady look like Malcolm X. But that's judging a book by the cover. I consider myself a chamillion I can go to a bar in the hood or a 5 star restaurant. I can chill with the fellas or go to a business meeting. I may not wear my pants hanging around my ankles or have dreads or cornrows (I'm follically challenged) but that doesn't mean I'm not down.

You would be surprised at the amount of times I approach an African American female in the club and she says... I didn't think you would approach me... you look like the type of guy that only dates white girls. You are making assumptions without getting to know me.

I'm gangsta... that's right... I said it... I'm gangsta... but my gangsta is on a corporate level. I'm gonna wear my suit... and go to work, but I'm going to use my street knowledge to gain as much knowledge to carry my game to the next level and translate that into my own thing... or use my street smarts to analysis a situation and figure out how I can turn that into a hustle. Sometimes it's necessary to play the role. I am a Black Man in White America.

So basically this goes back to a previous post (Are there any good men left... go read my previous post) There are good men left; however, you have to Stop Judging A Book By It's Cover. Are you looking in the right places or are you Judging the Book By The Cover without giving him a chance. I'm not saying all women, because I do believe as women become older and more mature they do appreciate this type of male.

My favorite saying is... Don't Let The Smooth Taste Fool Ya... This saying is usually used in association with alcohol... because it may taste good but still get you drunk off your butt. I may look a certain way, but I will surprise you and knock you on your butt. So ladies, It's time you stop letting the smooth taste fool ya... but that's just Treys Opinion

We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty

We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty. (Indoctrinated as defined by Webster on-line dictionary 1 : to instruct especially in fundamentals or rudiments 2 : to imbue with a usually partisan or sectarian opinion, point of view, or principle.)
These are the words of Meshell Ndegeocello, {if you don't know who she is... because her music is a little alternative... I suggest you pick up her album Plantation Lullabies from 93 (one of my favorite albums of all time)} and it's one of the most powerful statements EVER!!! We've Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty. What does this mean?

Dating back to slavery, a black man could not even make eye contact with a white woman. The perception of white being so beautiful still controls our minds today. Models are tall and thin, have beautiful flowing hair and certain other qualities that attract us to them. This is one of the reasons men date light skinned women... the closest thing to white, they may have the longer hair and the facial features that have been pounded into our head as beautiful. Women feed into this by purchasing weaves, eye lashes, make-up, colored contacts, nose surgery to make their broad nose thin, breast augmentation, removing a rib to have more of a "Coke Bottle Figure" and other surgeries to make themselves feel more attractive.

What happen to the natural? You know just an afro with a pick with a black fist? I've dated women for long periods of time and never saw their real hair. Is it just the fact that it's easier to maintain a weave, it gives you more options, or you don't like your natural hair? What's up with the blond weave that black women wear? We know your hair's not blond!!! What about the perm? I think it was on a Public Enemy CD where I heard... It's not a perm... it's a temporary.

The eye lashes and mascara... do men really care how long or think your eye lashes are? I have never seen a woman and said "Her eye lashes are banging... I gotta talk to her!" What about the colored contacts... Your eyes was brown last week now they are blue or green??? Hummm...
I've dated women that spend hours in front of the mirror... I rather see your natural beauty, not somebody that is keeping Maybelline in business. You looked good last night... but once you washed it all off and woke up in the morning it was a completely different person.

The biggest issue seems to be your body... The model on TV is a size zero... she hasn't eaten since 91!!! Go eat a steak!!! Ladies, it's not necessary to be a size zero to be attractive, booty is in!!! White girls is even gettin booty!!! I don't know where they are getting it from, might be the steroids in the chicken, but it's happening. I believe that as long as it's in proportion it's OK, whether it's a size 5/6... 11/12 or whatever.

If you see a black man with a white woman, 85% of the time it's a white woman white men didn't want any way... unless he's making a lot of money. If you see a black woman with a white man 85% of the time she is attractive... cause he probably has money, or she's feed up with black men or whatever the reason she is usually attractive. Is the black man just happy to get any white woman because he still has this image that white is beautiful in his mind?

We Have Been Indoctrinated and Convinced By The White Racist Standards of Beauty... and I guess i fall into that category. If you wanna wear a weave, contacts, etc... that's alright by me. If you have the receipt for your weave... possession is 9/10ths of the law, it's your hair. I guess this all falls back to what I have mentioned in previous posts... It's all a matter of preference... but that's just Trey's Opinion.

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

BLACK PEOPLE, PLEASE, READ & HEED. POIGNANT.The sad thing about this article is that the essence of it is true. The truth hurts. I just hope this sets more Black people in motion towards making real progress. Chris Rock, a Black comedian, even joked that Blacks don't read.Help prove them wrong! Read and pass on.

Please Note:For those of you who heard it, this is the article Dee Lee was reading this morning on a New York radio station. For those of you who didn't hear it, this is very deep. This is a heavy piece and a Caucasian wrote it.Dee Lee, CFPHarvard Financial EducatorsDee Lee

THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES We can continue to reap profits from the Blacks without the effort of physical slavery Look at the current methods of containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED, and SELFISHNESS.

Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once said, "The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it ina book." We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous booksreadily available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their own Black Book- stores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic equality (which should have been their fight all along),but few read consistently, if at all.

GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal.Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christ-mas, out of their 450 billion dollars in total yearly income (2.22%).Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it.Being primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing.They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business. Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, Andthey still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them "Status" or that they have achieved their Dream.They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty because their greed holds them back from collectively making better communities.With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to see huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has evenjeered them, saying he doesn't want their money, and look at how the fools spend more with him than ever before!). They'll continue to show off to each other while we build solid communities with the profitsfrom our businesses that we market to them.

SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the major ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois said that there was an innate division in their culture. A "TalentedTenth" he called it. He was correct in his deduction that there are segments of their culture that has achieved some "form" of success.However, that segment missed the fullness of his work. They didn't read that the "Talented Tenth" was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented Ninety Percent in achieving a better life. Instead, that segment has created another class, a Buppie class that looks down on their people or aids them in a condescending manner. They will never achieve what we have. Their selfishness does not allow them to be able to work together on any project or endeavor of substance. When they do get together, their selfish- ness lets their egos get in the way of their goal Theirso-called help organizations seem to only want to promote their name without making any real change in their community.They are content to sit in conferences and conven- tions in our hotels, and talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best speakers, not to the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness?

They steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM)They do not understand that they are no better than each other because of what they own, as a matter of fact, most of those Buppies are but one or two pay checks away from poverty. All of which is under thecontrol of our pens in our offices and our rooms.Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to read, continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are "helping" their communi- ties by paying dues to organizations which do little other than hold lavish conventions in our hotels.

By the way, don't worry about any of them reading this letter, remember, 'THEY DON'T READ!!!!

(Prove them wrong. Please pass this on! After Reading it..)

Lines of Communication

Okay boys and girls... Is this high school or what? It shouldn't be about waiting to see who's gonna call who first. If you meet somebody and you like them... Does the man have to call first? Is it Okay for a woman to call first? Does it really matter? Have you missed out on a nice guy because you refused to call him first? What if he's busy... or shy... or not a phone person? Is a text acceptable for a first communication? It's not that serious... if you like a guy, pick up the phone and give him a call.

Text messaging is a very powerful tool and I hate to say this... but most guys love text because sometimes women like to talk too much and this way we can keep it straight and to the point. Again, this isn't high school. I'm not trying to stay on the phone all night... remember back in the day... you hang up first... no you hang up first... okay... same time on three... one... two... three... You didn't hang up!!! You didn't hang up either and then you fall asleep on the phone... wake up a couple hours later with the phone cord wrapped around your neck. Some of you might not remember when phones had cords!


You also have to be careful with phone calls and texts. Just because a man calls you, doesn't mean he likes you. Do you have a guy you don't talk to that often... you might get a text or phone call like every Wednesday or Thursday. I hate to tell you this, but he's probably just trying to line up some booty for the weekend. Just a feeler text or phone call to see what kinda feedback he gets then it's on to the next one in alphabetical order.

Since we are talking about phones... it is not okay to go thru your mans phone. If you don't trust him... you probably shouldn't be with him! Going thru the phone is very high school. Most likely he is going to delete the call history before he gets to your house anyway, and once he gets to your house the ringer is placed on silence and the phone is face down on the table. If you have broken codes on cell phones or emails... or even worse called somebody out of the cell phone. WOW! Is it that serious? Have you ever cost your man some potential income because you called somebody that was a business associate or client?

Everybody has a cell phone now... and at one point or another they will all get us in trouble... but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Think I Better Let It Go... Looks Like Another Love TKO

Getting into a relationship can be a lot like boxing. We all bring baggage into our new relationships. Experience is gained from past relationships, and you will carry those experiences with you for the rest of your life. You probably picked up something from your last relationship... whether it was good or bad. After a bad experience you may build walls to protect yourself from repeating the same mistake. It's understandable to keep your guard up to protect yourself from that Mike Tyson blow.

After the last man dogged you out... you probably have built The Great Wall of China around yourself. You may have a really good man trying to court you but you are so damaged from your past relationships you are not willing to let him in. It's definitely risky to open yourself up to be hurt again... but how will you know if this is the right man for you unless you allow yourself to let him in. Like I said... this is a boxing match... so you should keep your guard up but if you keep shutting him down he will eventually act like cockroaches when the light comes on and flee.
Nobody wants to be hurt... but we all have dealt with it before and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You have to be willing to wear your heart on your sleeve if you really like somebody and you want to make it work. The hurt will pass and you will be able to eventually move on.

No matter what the previous man did to you, you are now dealing with a brand new unique individual. Don't make that man pay for the mistakes the previous man made. Again, this is a boxing match and he may start to wear you down after a few rounds... but watch out for that over-hand right. Some men have alternative motives and may put in the time to wear you down just to hit you with the sucker punch... but it's nothing you can do but chalk it up to experience. Not all men are the same... and it would be foolish to act as such. It's wise to keep your guard up... but don't allow your knight in shining armor to ride off in the sunset because you are dealing with issues from previous relationship... but that's just Trey's Opinion

Has the Recession Affected Your Relationship?

The economy is rough right now and most people are affected by high gas prices, high rent, high insurance, high taxes, high food prices, etc.

Taking these factors into consideration... do you find yourself being asked on less dates? Have you been conversing with a guy and wondering why he hasn't asked you out? Maybe he can't take you to that 5 star restaurant you insisted on. Would you consider a walk in the park, going to the beach, how about movie night at home? Other economical dates could include playing pool, bowling, free concerts, or a museum. Take a brother's pockets into consideration when selecting your plans for the evening... It's hard out here and fast money has slowed up.

Unemployment is definitely on the rise. Companies are closing down and people are being laid off every day. If a man you were dating for over a year was to loose his job... would you stand by him? How long would you stand by him if he was actively seeking employment? How about if it the only thing he could find involved a large salary cut? Would you be out on the next thing smoking? These are very real questions that you must think about, because it's becoming a reality for a lot of couples and families. Finances are a very fragile topic and can result in the downfall of a relationship... now more than ever, but that's just Trey's Opinion.

Lovers and Friends

Can men and women be friends? In most situations, when a man meets a woman it is his intention to be more than friends. Often a man finds himself placed into the friend zone. The man will stay in this category in hopes that one day it will be more. As a woman dates loser after loser... he waits in the background, often consulting her through these relationships. He will listen to story after story of how unhappy you are in your relationship, just waiting for the opportunity.

Time passes and the two of you become closer, he may be falling in love with you... but you aren't willing to cross the friendship line. In your eyes he's more like your brother. Is it okay to cross that friendship line? Once that friendship line is crossed, can you go back to being friends if the relationship doesn't work out? Every situation is unique and should be treated as such. The friendship may be ruined or that may really be your soul mate. There's really no way to tell unless you take that chance, but you have to be willing to sacrifice the friendship if you can't go back.

From a males point of view there are only two types of women... Women they have slept with and women they haven't slept with yet (Unless he just isn't attracted to you). If you have a male friend and you haven't crossed that line, at some point he has looked at you and wondered what it would be like to have sex with you. I don't care if he's like your brother... yes him too!!! That doesn't mean he is going to pursue it... It's just how the male mind works.

I do believe men and women can be friends without sleeping together. But the thought will always be in the back of his mind... but that's only Trey's Opinion.

Master Manipulator... Don't be a Victim

Master Manipulator... or what I like to call the Jedi Mind Trick. When you first meet a guy he brings you flowers... he brings you candy... he opens doors... whispers sweet nothings in your ear... breaks you off a little money to get your hair did. During the first 30, 60 or 90 days you may be dealing with the representative... but once that time frame is over the real person comes out.

No more flowers... no more candy... no more opening the doors... he doesn't call you beautiful any more... WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!? You were dealing with the representative and once he knows he has you, the real person can come out! Why does this happen? Once he knows he has you, he can now treat you any way he wants and you won't go any where.

Why won't a woman leave at this point???? Is the sex that good? Maybe it is... but what has happened is he showed you a really nice person and you may want to leave... but when you have one foot out of the door he shows you some of that nice person that he showed you in the beginning. This may be just enough to keep you on the hook, but eventually it grows old. You know he has it in him and you hang on to the hopes that the person you met in the beginning will emerge... but most likely he won't. The representative is long gone. But he will use a jedi mind tricks to control you. Now what is a jedi mind trick you ask... Remember Eddie Murphy Raw and he said "Mr. T isn't that smart... if he came up to me I could probably use a Jedi Mind Trick on him... I heard you were telling jokes about me... no you didn't... maybe I didn't... I'm gonna beat up the fool that told me those lies". He may not say he loves you for weeks... but as soon as he sees you are feed up he may say it. Does he mean it or is he saying it to keep you on the hook? Something as a text saying "Thinking about you" can be a mind trick... Just because he came across your name alphetically in his phone and sent you that text... he may have sent it to 5 other women... and it will serve it's purpose with each woman. A Jedi Mind Trick can be used in any situation at any time... I'm not saying all men use Jedi Mind Trick... I'm just saying don't become a victim... Some men are Jedi Masters... but that's just Treys Opinion.

YOU WANT THE TRUTH... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

In the words of the great Jack Nicholson... "YOU WANT THE TRUTH... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!". Honesty is the best policy... but a lot of men may not follow this policy. I am not saying I am a 100% honest... but I try to be as honest as I can.

Is with-holding the truth being dishonest??? When a woman asks a question, she should be able to receive an honest answer. But if she doesn't ask the right questions and the information isn't disclosed information is that the same as lying? I guess it's important to ask the right questions!!!

I have found in my experiences that being honest with a female works the best for me. If I am just dating... I let it be known that I am just dating and I may be seeing multiple women; however, if I am in a relationship I am 100% commited. Eventually guys will realize telling the truth can be beneficial. When I let a woman know that I am just dating, most women believe "I'm that B***H, she's not better than me". It's interpreted as a competition and we all know women are competitive and don't want to lose. By being honest and saying you are dating gives the woman the opportunity to make the decision to decide if she is willing to deal with it or not. I find more often than not a woman is willing to deal with it. Is it because there is a shortage of good men or do women just feel they won't lose this competition.

Another reason I think it's easier to tell the truth is because it's easier to remember the truth. If someoe tells a lie... they have to remember the lie that was told and possibly build on that lie. If someone tells the truth they don't have to think about it... It's easy to re-call what happened. A relationship should be built on truth and once that trust is broken it's hard to re-capture. If you expect your man to be honest... make sure you can handle the truth.

Do You Hear The Words That Are Coming Outta My Mouth???

Communication. Men and Women communicate very differently... and the sooner you realize this the better. Men usually say what we mean, the problem starts when women try to over analysis it and make it more complicated than it really is. If a man says, "I am just dating, if I happen to find the right one I will cut the rest off and make that commitment". That's exactly what he means. A woman doesn't hear that... what a woman hears is "He may be dating other women but they aren't as good as me and the reason he is single is because he hasn't met me yet". That's not what he said... what he said was I might go out with you today and I might be going out with someone else tomorrow, because I am just dating.

Another thing is women must learn to cut to the chase. Do you wonder why it seems like your man isn't listening? Because after three minutes you start to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. Blah Blah Blah!!! If a man gets into an accident here is his account of the accident. I got into a accident the car is messed up... gotta figure out how I'm going to get to work. Straight and to the point. Here is a woman's account. I had just left work at 5 PM and the B***H on the elevator looked at me funny cause I had on some nice shoes. It was a nice day... about 83 degrees when I got outside and then I got in the car and turned on the radio. I pulled out the parking lot and drove about 5 blocks when I saw this B***H with about 3 kids in a silver hooptie and she was on the phone and yelling at the kids and she ran the red light and hit me. I got out the car and we started yelling and the cops came and an ambulance came but I didn't want to go to the hospital, but now I'm wishing I did cause I could use a come up. Well as soon as your started talking about shoes we were wondering what was on Sports Center.

If you want your communication to be more effective with your man, talk to him like you are one of his boys. Just walk in the house and say, "Get your behind up and wash the dishes". He may cuss you out... on his way to the kitchen... but you will get the results you wanted. You know why? Because he hasn't blocked you out yet. But when you come home and start talking about how your day was and how you don't like the other women at the job and the traffic and you're tired and you could use some help around the house, etc., etc., etc., we are now focused on Sports Center and have blocked you out and didn't hear when you asked us to wash the dishes. But that's just Trey's Opinion.

It's All About The Thrill Of The Chase

I have a question for you... What is the only country in the world that hunts on a full stomach? That's right America... Think about it... In Africa, when they go hunting; most likely, they are hunting for dinner. Why do Americans hunt on a full stomach? Because it's all about the thrill of the chase. The same holds true with dating.



It all begins with the presentation. I don't care what anybody says, I have never seen a woman across the room and said WOW!!! Look at her brain!!! What we do notice is a persons outward appearance and how they present it. If a woman presents the package like she deserves respect, most likely she will get that respect. If a woman presents the package like a hoochie... most likely she will be treated like a hoochie. It is possible to present the package in a sexy way and still be tasteful... But like Dave Chappell said if you have your breast poppin out of your turtleneck... don't be surprised at how men react. Let me expand on what I mean by a sexy way. It's always best to have a little mystery about yourself. A woman has more devices than a man to appear to be mysterious. Less really is more. Who is more mysterious i.e. sexy? A young lady wearing a form fitting dress or a skank wearing daisy dukes and a tube top?



Now you are out with the guy and assuming everything is going okay you are wondering should I give him a peck on the cheek, a peek on the lips or stick my tongue down his throat? It may be going so well that you are wondering should I give him some and how will he look at me afterwards? Well Tupac said in the song I Get Around, "I don't want it if it's that easy"... but we'll take it!!! Now how will guys look at you in the morning... I think it goes back to presentation... If you came off like a hoochie than you are probably just a one night stand... but if the chemistry is there and you are really feeling each other than he may look at it that you were just caught up in the passion of the moment. But that may affect the relationship down the line... Ladies... like I said it's all about the thrill of the chase and now the chase is over! So it may be beneficial to make him wait 60 days... 90 days... whatever... but eventually the thrill of the chase is gone.



Have you noticed that after time the relationship starts to change? You don't go out as much... You don't have sex as much... You don't have as much to talk about... the thrill of the chase is gone. Now he may be looking for a new bounty to hunt. It may not be able to go back to the thrill of the chase, but it is possible to rejuvenate your relationship. Remember back in the day when you first met him and you use to get your hair did, you use to get your nails done, you use to wear the matching underwear... Now you just throw your hair in a ponytail and wear those underwear that are so big homeless people can use them for shelter... Go back to the things that made him want to chase you. If that doesn't work it may be time to make yourself available to be chased again... but that's only Trey's Opinion.

Light Skin vs Dark Skin

Yeah... I'm going there!!! Racism exists amongst ourselves. It probably dates back to the house slave vs the field slave... who knows... maybe even before that.



We are all individuals that come in different shapes, sizes and colors... from high yellow to midnight black. We come with good hair, bad hair (some of us are folically challenged), tall short, fat, thin, etc. Nowadays, you can change a lot of those things. You can buy hair, you can even change your eye color. You can under go procedures to change your appearance or liposuction to change your shape. Plastic surgery is not just for the wealthy any more. It can be put on lay-a-way like that pair of parachute pants you didn't pick up from the 80's. You can only alter your skin tone but so much... unless you're Michael Jackson or Lil' Kim. But does light mean it's right? Does that make a person more attractive? I guess that is an age old debate.



Some men date exclusively light skinned women. Some men date exclusively dark skinned women. Sometimes we want what we aren't, meaning a dark skinned man may persue a light skinned woman. Does this mean that this man has issues with his skin tone or is he protecting his children from a dark skinned ridicule? Is dating a light skinned woman the closest thing to dating a white girl without going all the way? What ever happened to "The Darker The Berry The Sweeter The Juice"?



I believe all of that doesn't matter. If a man chooses to date exclusively light or dark that is his preference and everyone is entitled to their preference. If a woman decides she wants to date a dark skinned Amistad looking brother that is her choice. If she wants a man that works out all of the time, If she is a chubby chaser, If she likes em tall or short, a suit or a thug... that is her choice. So women shouldn't have an issue if a man prefers light skinned or dark skinned, long hair or short hair, skinny or thick, kids or without kids... whatever his preference he should be able to persue that.



I believe beauty comes in all colors and I do not discrimate. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder whether it's black, white, asian or latino... but that's only Trey's Opinion.

When Chasing The Dream... Choose Wisely

Everyone wants to be comfortable. When making a decision on who you will spend the rest of your life with... choose carefully! At an early age women may be intrigued by the wrong types of men. Athletes, artists, thugs and bad boys may seem appealing. Women may pursue these men for different reasons. Security, the lime light, the money, or just because of his swagger. Whatever the reason is you make the choices you do... choose wisely.



Odds of becoming a professional athlete are very small. Even if he is the all star athlete in high school or college, that doesn't always translate into a professional career. There have been many top prospects in college that don't make it to the pro ranks and if they do they may not make the team. Better make sure he gets a degree while in college. But if your man is lucky enough to be included in the small percentage that does actually make it to the pros and earns a significant salary you may have to deal with women in each city that he travels to... you know... the groupies. The groupies don't care if he has a girlfriend or a wife... ask Steve McNair's wife. As always, there are exceptions to the rule and it is possible to be in strong relationship with an athlete.



Odds of becoming an artist, whether it's a singer, rapper, actor, etc may be greater than becoming an athlete. Even a local band, singer, rapper, etc may have groupies... and what if he does make it and you are dealing with the groupies in every city. Don't be surprised when baby mommas start poppin up! What if he never makes it... there are a lot of no talent artist out there. What if Puffy never picks up the demo... does he have any other job skills?



A very obtainable career is a drug dealer or a thug. You like his swagger and you still get to enjoy the money. But the streets ain't playing... will you wait for him if he goes to jail? Will you be outside the jail doing hand signals? Will you tie balloons to a tree outside of the jail on Father's Day? What if the junkie can't pay for the drugs... he may be bringing home more than the money... he might be bringing home that HIV! What happens if he becomes a casualty to the streets? Will your children be without their father? What happens when the fast money slows up? Oh yeah... and he is a thug... don't be surprised when he hits you!



It may not be about any of these things... you just like him cause he has good hair or light eyes and you want your baby to have good hair and light eyes...



Like I said... choose wisely because once you reach you mid 30's and the paper chase didn't work out... you've had 2,3 or more kids and your body isn't like it use to be... that will effect your dating pool. Now all of the sudden that "A" student that wears the suit and works 9-5 becomes a lot more attractive. But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Rules Of Engagement

Sorry ladies... these rules don't involve a ring! Wikipedia defines Rules of Engagement as in military or police operations, the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used. My rules of Engagement relate to an argument with your mate and this works both ways.

Rule # 1 Never involve your family. Never tell your family members about your arguments. Now if he hits you that's a different story... but you don't want your family members looking at your man all crazy because you went complaining to your mom about an argument. Now your man shows up at Thanksgiving dinner and your family will never look at him the same because they heard about the arguments you had with your man... not knowing that the arguments was because he left the seat up.

Rule #2 Never involve the police... again... if he hits you that's a different story. But the police do not want to get involved in domestic disputes... they feel it's a waste of time. You're upset... most likely you won't press charges and they are just there to mediate your argument.

Rule #3 Never say anything you will regret later. Never call your mate out of there name. If you say to your man you ain't s*** or i hate you or he's not giving it to your right or he calls you a B... that will always be in the back of your mind. If you mean it... okay; but if not, you are only damaging your relationship.

I believe that you should be able to talk things out with your mate. State your point, listen to the rebuttal and compromise... now this is a lot easier said than done... but I guarantee it's more productive... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Do you know what I mean? You have your own car and your own house... And that is a beautiful thing!!! But does that make it more difficult for you to find a mate? I believe a lot of men date dependent women because that allows them to feel like a man... because that is what a man is suppose to do... take care of his woman. Now if you are an independent woman that can be intimidating to a man. Ladies... let's be real... the male ego can be very fragile. If he is unable to do the things for you that you can do for yourself that might make him feel like less than a man. So, if you are dating a man and you make as much or more money than him... It is VERY IMPORTANT that you allow your man to be a man. Do you think Black men are controlling? You ever wonder why? Face it... being a Black man in White America is not easy. Most likely he is not in control at work... So he wants to be in control when he gets home.

Now Mrs. Independent, you must be careful... because they are men who will try to take advantage of your situation. He may move into your house and sit on the couch with Craig and them playing Playstation 3. Or drop you off at work and drive your car around all day. Or have you buy him things. If you are comfortable with that... then do you boo boo. But if you happen to come across a man and you make more money than him... but he is gainfully employed, work with him. Beside every strong man is a strong woman. You may be what he needs to take his game to the next level and if you haven't noticed we are in a recession. But if you can combine 2 incomes that will allow you to do bigger and better things and live the American dream. But that's only Trey's Opinion!

Are Black Men Afraid to commit?

This is a very debated topic and the answer to this question is very complicated. Of course, not all men are the same... But there are numerous reasons why men won't commit. One reason is children learn what they live. If a man comes from a household where his father wasn't committed to his mother chances are he won't commit to you. (Another reason why it is important to have a positive household and positive male role models) This isn't always true because he may have witnessed this and want to break the cycle. Another reason is every man has a fear that as soon as he makes a commitment something better will come along. That's right... no matter how attractive you are... no matter how intelligent... no matter what... he feels that Beyonce is coming down the street right behind you. Beyonce might never show up... but he has to leave the door open for opportunity.

A lot of men simply will not commit. Once you realize that he is not willing to commit, it is your decision whether you stay or not. If you are willing to deal with a man with a fear of commitment it is very important you know and play your position.

If he is dealing with multiple women he will have his #1 She gets to meet the family and friends, gets to go out to dinner, movies and other events. #1 gets the majority of the time. If you haven't meet the family or friends and he hasn't taken you out in public... sorry boo boo YOU ARE NOT NUMBER 1.

#2 Is probably a girl that has been around for years. She could possibly be number 1 if she wasn't crazy... but she know the rules. She'll take the 3 am phone and allow him to come over. If you receive the 3 am after the club phone call... YOU ARE NUMBER 2

#3 Never gets to go out in public. Most likely has good credit. If you only receive booty calls, are overweight or not too attractive and have co-signed for a car, or made other large purchases... YOU ARE NUMBER 3.

As a whole. I believe most black men aren't afraid to commit. If he hasn't committed to you... most likely he is just passing time until the one he is willing to commit to comes along. But this is only Trey's Opinion

Are there any good black men left????

What exactly would you consider a good man? One that pays the bills on time? One that doesn't hit you? One that doesn't cheat? The number of good available men is decreasing; however, they still are out there. But if you come across a good man, would you know what to do with him? I believe the answer is no. People have a tendency to date the same type of person. So if you have been dating no good men... that's probably what you like. Given the opportunity to date a good man, you probably wouldn't know how to react. If he doesn't hit you, or cheat on you and stays at home and helps with the house work... you would probably find that doesn't promote the drama you enjoy. If your man stayed at home every day that's no fun... It's more fun to get in the car with your girlfriend and go to some other woman's house looking for your man... NOW THAT'S FUN!!!

Yes there are good men out here. He may not be the most attractive guy, or make the most money, or have the greatest job... but they are out here. Are you looking in the right places? Are you giving the good guy a chance? Or does he fall into the friend category and give you advice on how to deal with that no good man? Do you really want a good man? Or are you just chasing the dream? To be continued...