Master Manipulator... Don't be a Victim

Master Manipulator... or what I like to call the Jedi Mind Trick. When you first meet a guy he brings you flowers... he brings you candy... he opens doors... whispers sweet nothings in your ear... breaks you off a little money to get your hair did. During the first 30, 60 or 90 days you may be dealing with the representative... but once that time frame is over the real person comes out.

No more flowers... no more candy... no more opening the doors... he doesn't call you beautiful any more... WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!? You were dealing with the representative and once he knows he has you, the real person can come out! Why does this happen? Once he knows he has you, he can now treat you any way he wants and you won't go any where.

Why won't a woman leave at this point???? Is the sex that good? Maybe it is... but what has happened is he showed you a really nice person and you may want to leave... but when you have one foot out of the door he shows you some of that nice person that he showed you in the beginning. This may be just enough to keep you on the hook, but eventually it grows old. You know he has it in him and you hang on to the hopes that the person you met in the beginning will emerge... but most likely he won't. The representative is long gone. But he will use a jedi mind tricks to control you. Now what is a jedi mind trick you ask... Remember Eddie Murphy Raw and he said "Mr. T isn't that smart... if he came up to me I could probably use a Jedi Mind Trick on him... I heard you were telling jokes about me... no you didn't... maybe I didn't... I'm gonna beat up the fool that told me those lies". He may not say he loves you for weeks... but as soon as he sees you are feed up he may say it. Does he mean it or is he saying it to keep you on the hook? Something as a text saying "Thinking about you" can be a mind trick... Just because he came across your name alphetically in his phone and sent you that text... he may have sent it to 5 other women... and it will serve it's purpose with each woman. A Jedi Mind Trick can be used in any situation at any time... I'm not saying all men use Jedi Mind Trick... I'm just saying don't become a victim... Some men are Jedi Masters... but that's just Treys Opinion.

YOU WANT THE TRUTH... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

In the words of the great Jack Nicholson... "YOU WANT THE TRUTH... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!". Honesty is the best policy... but a lot of men may not follow this policy. I am not saying I am a 100% honest... but I try to be as honest as I can.

Is with-holding the truth being dishonest??? When a woman asks a question, she should be able to receive an honest answer. But if she doesn't ask the right questions and the information isn't disclosed information is that the same as lying? I guess it's important to ask the right questions!!!

I have found in my experiences that being honest with a female works the best for me. If I am just dating... I let it be known that I am just dating and I may be seeing multiple women; however, if I am in a relationship I am 100% commited. Eventually guys will realize telling the truth can be beneficial. When I let a woman know that I am just dating, most women believe "I'm that B***H, she's not better than me". It's interpreted as a competition and we all know women are competitive and don't want to lose. By being honest and saying you are dating gives the woman the opportunity to make the decision to decide if she is willing to deal with it or not. I find more often than not a woman is willing to deal with it. Is it because there is a shortage of good men or do women just feel they won't lose this competition.

Another reason I think it's easier to tell the truth is because it's easier to remember the truth. If someoe tells a lie... they have to remember the lie that was told and possibly build on that lie. If someone tells the truth they don't have to think about it... It's easy to re-call what happened. A relationship should be built on truth and once that trust is broken it's hard to re-capture. If you expect your man to be honest... make sure you can handle the truth.

Do You Hear The Words That Are Coming Outta My Mouth???

Communication. Men and Women communicate very differently... and the sooner you realize this the better. Men usually say what we mean, the problem starts when women try to over analysis it and make it more complicated than it really is. If a man says, "I am just dating, if I happen to find the right one I will cut the rest off and make that commitment". That's exactly what he means. A woman doesn't hear that... what a woman hears is "He may be dating other women but they aren't as good as me and the reason he is single is because he hasn't met me yet". That's not what he said... what he said was I might go out with you today and I might be going out with someone else tomorrow, because I am just dating.

Another thing is women must learn to cut to the chase. Do you wonder why it seems like your man isn't listening? Because after three minutes you start to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. Blah Blah Blah!!! If a man gets into an accident here is his account of the accident. I got into a accident the car is messed up... gotta figure out how I'm going to get to work. Straight and to the point. Here is a woman's account. I had just left work at 5 PM and the B***H on the elevator looked at me funny cause I had on some nice shoes. It was a nice day... about 83 degrees when I got outside and then I got in the car and turned on the radio. I pulled out the parking lot and drove about 5 blocks when I saw this B***H with about 3 kids in a silver hooptie and she was on the phone and yelling at the kids and she ran the red light and hit me. I got out the car and we started yelling and the cops came and an ambulance came but I didn't want to go to the hospital, but now I'm wishing I did cause I could use a come up. Well as soon as your started talking about shoes we were wondering what was on Sports Center.

If you want your communication to be more effective with your man, talk to him like you are one of his boys. Just walk in the house and say, "Get your behind up and wash the dishes". He may cuss you out... on his way to the kitchen... but you will get the results you wanted. You know why? Because he hasn't blocked you out yet. But when you come home and start talking about how your day was and how you don't like the other women at the job and the traffic and you're tired and you could use some help around the house, etc., etc., etc., we are now focused on Sports Center and have blocked you out and didn't hear when you asked us to wash the dishes. But that's just Trey's Opinion.

It's All About The Thrill Of The Chase

I have a question for you... What is the only country in the world that hunts on a full stomach? That's right America... Think about it... In Africa, when they go hunting; most likely, they are hunting for dinner. Why do Americans hunt on a full stomach? Because it's all about the thrill of the chase. The same holds true with dating.



It all begins with the presentation. I don't care what anybody says, I have never seen a woman across the room and said WOW!!! Look at her brain!!! What we do notice is a persons outward appearance and how they present it. If a woman presents the package like she deserves respect, most likely she will get that respect. If a woman presents the package like a hoochie... most likely she will be treated like a hoochie. It is possible to present the package in a sexy way and still be tasteful... But like Dave Chappell said if you have your breast poppin out of your turtleneck... don't be surprised at how men react. Let me expand on what I mean by a sexy way. It's always best to have a little mystery about yourself. A woman has more devices than a man to appear to be mysterious. Less really is more. Who is more mysterious i.e. sexy? A young lady wearing a form fitting dress or a skank wearing daisy dukes and a tube top?



Now you are out with the guy and assuming everything is going okay you are wondering should I give him a peck on the cheek, a peek on the lips or stick my tongue down his throat? It may be going so well that you are wondering should I give him some and how will he look at me afterwards? Well Tupac said in the song I Get Around, "I don't want it if it's that easy"... but we'll take it!!! Now how will guys look at you in the morning... I think it goes back to presentation... If you came off like a hoochie than you are probably just a one night stand... but if the chemistry is there and you are really feeling each other than he may look at it that you were just caught up in the passion of the moment. But that may affect the relationship down the line... Ladies... like I said it's all about the thrill of the chase and now the chase is over! So it may be beneficial to make him wait 60 days... 90 days... whatever... but eventually the thrill of the chase is gone.



Have you noticed that after time the relationship starts to change? You don't go out as much... You don't have sex as much... You don't have as much to talk about... the thrill of the chase is gone. Now he may be looking for a new bounty to hunt. It may not be able to go back to the thrill of the chase, but it is possible to rejuvenate your relationship. Remember back in the day when you first met him and you use to get your hair did, you use to get your nails done, you use to wear the matching underwear... Now you just throw your hair in a ponytail and wear those underwear that are so big homeless people can use them for shelter... Go back to the things that made him want to chase you. If that doesn't work it may be time to make yourself available to be chased again... but that's only Trey's Opinion.

Light Skin vs Dark Skin

Yeah... I'm going there!!! Racism exists amongst ourselves. It probably dates back to the house slave vs the field slave... who knows... maybe even before that.



We are all individuals that come in different shapes, sizes and colors... from high yellow to midnight black. We come with good hair, bad hair (some of us are folically challenged), tall short, fat, thin, etc. Nowadays, you can change a lot of those things. You can buy hair, you can even change your eye color. You can under go procedures to change your appearance or liposuction to change your shape. Plastic surgery is not just for the wealthy any more. It can be put on lay-a-way like that pair of parachute pants you didn't pick up from the 80's. You can only alter your skin tone but so much... unless you're Michael Jackson or Lil' Kim. But does light mean it's right? Does that make a person more attractive? I guess that is an age old debate.



Some men date exclusively light skinned women. Some men date exclusively dark skinned women. Sometimes we want what we aren't, meaning a dark skinned man may persue a light skinned woman. Does this mean that this man has issues with his skin tone or is he protecting his children from a dark skinned ridicule? Is dating a light skinned woman the closest thing to dating a white girl without going all the way? What ever happened to "The Darker The Berry The Sweeter The Juice"?



I believe all of that doesn't matter. If a man chooses to date exclusively light or dark that is his preference and everyone is entitled to their preference. If a woman decides she wants to date a dark skinned Amistad looking brother that is her choice. If she wants a man that works out all of the time, If she is a chubby chaser, If she likes em tall or short, a suit or a thug... that is her choice. So women shouldn't have an issue if a man prefers light skinned or dark skinned, long hair or short hair, skinny or thick, kids or without kids... whatever his preference he should be able to persue that.



I believe beauty comes in all colors and I do not discrimate. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder whether it's black, white, asian or latino... but that's only Trey's Opinion.

When Chasing The Dream... Choose Wisely

Everyone wants to be comfortable. When making a decision on who you will spend the rest of your life with... choose carefully! At an early age women may be intrigued by the wrong types of men. Athletes, artists, thugs and bad boys may seem appealing. Women may pursue these men for different reasons. Security, the lime light, the money, or just because of his swagger. Whatever the reason is you make the choices you do... choose wisely.



Odds of becoming a professional athlete are very small. Even if he is the all star athlete in high school or college, that doesn't always translate into a professional career. There have been many top prospects in college that don't make it to the pro ranks and if they do they may not make the team. Better make sure he gets a degree while in college. But if your man is lucky enough to be included in the small percentage that does actually make it to the pros and earns a significant salary you may have to deal with women in each city that he travels to... you know... the groupies. The groupies don't care if he has a girlfriend or a wife... ask Steve McNair's wife. As always, there are exceptions to the rule and it is possible to be in strong relationship with an athlete.



Odds of becoming an artist, whether it's a singer, rapper, actor, etc may be greater than becoming an athlete. Even a local band, singer, rapper, etc may have groupies... and what if he does make it and you are dealing with the groupies in every city. Don't be surprised when baby mommas start poppin up! What if he never makes it... there are a lot of no talent artist out there. What if Puffy never picks up the demo... does he have any other job skills?



A very obtainable career is a drug dealer or a thug. You like his swagger and you still get to enjoy the money. But the streets ain't playing... will you wait for him if he goes to jail? Will you be outside the jail doing hand signals? Will you tie balloons to a tree outside of the jail on Father's Day? What if the junkie can't pay for the drugs... he may be bringing home more than the money... he might be bringing home that HIV! What happens if he becomes a casualty to the streets? Will your children be without their father? What happens when the fast money slows up? Oh yeah... and he is a thug... don't be surprised when he hits you!



It may not be about any of these things... you just like him cause he has good hair or light eyes and you want your baby to have good hair and light eyes...



Like I said... choose wisely because once you reach you mid 30's and the paper chase didn't work out... you've had 2,3 or more kids and your body isn't like it use to be... that will effect your dating pool. Now all of the sudden that "A" student that wears the suit and works 9-5 becomes a lot more attractive. But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Rules Of Engagement

Sorry ladies... these rules don't involve a ring! Wikipedia defines Rules of Engagement as in military or police operations, the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used. My rules of Engagement relate to an argument with your mate and this works both ways.

Rule # 1 Never involve your family. Never tell your family members about your arguments. Now if he hits you that's a different story... but you don't want your family members looking at your man all crazy because you went complaining to your mom about an argument. Now your man shows up at Thanksgiving dinner and your family will never look at him the same because they heard about the arguments you had with your man... not knowing that the arguments was because he left the seat up.

Rule #2 Never involve the police... again... if he hits you that's a different story. But the police do not want to get involved in domestic disputes... they feel it's a waste of time. You're upset... most likely you won't press charges and they are just there to mediate your argument.

Rule #3 Never say anything you will regret later. Never call your mate out of there name. If you say to your man you ain't s*** or i hate you or he's not giving it to your right or he calls you a B... that will always be in the back of your mind. If you mean it... okay; but if not, you are only damaging your relationship.

I believe that you should be able to talk things out with your mate. State your point, listen to the rebuttal and compromise... now this is a lot easier said than done... but I guarantee it's more productive... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Do you know what I mean? You have your own car and your own house... And that is a beautiful thing!!! But does that make it more difficult for you to find a mate? I believe a lot of men date dependent women because that allows them to feel like a man... because that is what a man is suppose to do... take care of his woman. Now if you are an independent woman that can be intimidating to a man. Ladies... let's be real... the male ego can be very fragile. If he is unable to do the things for you that you can do for yourself that might make him feel like less than a man. So, if you are dating a man and you make as much or more money than him... It is VERY IMPORTANT that you allow your man to be a man. Do you think Black men are controlling? You ever wonder why? Face it... being a Black man in White America is not easy. Most likely he is not in control at work... So he wants to be in control when he gets home.

Now Mrs. Independent, you must be careful... because they are men who will try to take advantage of your situation. He may move into your house and sit on the couch with Craig and them playing Playstation 3. Or drop you off at work and drive your car around all day. Or have you buy him things. If you are comfortable with that... then do you boo boo. But if you happen to come across a man and you make more money than him... but he is gainfully employed, work with him. Beside every strong man is a strong woman. You may be what he needs to take his game to the next level and if you haven't noticed we are in a recession. But if you can combine 2 incomes that will allow you to do bigger and better things and live the American dream. But that's only Trey's Opinion!

Are Black Men Afraid to commit?

This is a very debated topic and the answer to this question is very complicated. Of course, not all men are the same... But there are numerous reasons why men won't commit. One reason is children learn what they live. If a man comes from a household where his father wasn't committed to his mother chances are he won't commit to you. (Another reason why it is important to have a positive household and positive male role models) This isn't always true because he may have witnessed this and want to break the cycle. Another reason is every man has a fear that as soon as he makes a commitment something better will come along. That's right... no matter how attractive you are... no matter how intelligent... no matter what... he feels that Beyonce is coming down the street right behind you. Beyonce might never show up... but he has to leave the door open for opportunity.

A lot of men simply will not commit. Once you realize that he is not willing to commit, it is your decision whether you stay or not. If you are willing to deal with a man with a fear of commitment it is very important you know and play your position.

If he is dealing with multiple women he will have his #1 She gets to meet the family and friends, gets to go out to dinner, movies and other events. #1 gets the majority of the time. If you haven't meet the family or friends and he hasn't taken you out in public... sorry boo boo YOU ARE NOT NUMBER 1.

#2 Is probably a girl that has been around for years. She could possibly be number 1 if she wasn't crazy... but she know the rules. She'll take the 3 am phone and allow him to come over. If you receive the 3 am after the club phone call... YOU ARE NUMBER 2

#3 Never gets to go out in public. Most likely has good credit. If you only receive booty calls, are overweight or not too attractive and have co-signed for a car, or made other large purchases... YOU ARE NUMBER 3.

As a whole. I believe most black men aren't afraid to commit. If he hasn't committed to you... most likely he is just passing time until the one he is willing to commit to comes along. But this is only Trey's Opinion

Are there any good black men left????

What exactly would you consider a good man? One that pays the bills on time? One that doesn't hit you? One that doesn't cheat? The number of good available men is decreasing; however, they still are out there. But if you come across a good man, would you know what to do with him? I believe the answer is no. People have a tendency to date the same type of person. So if you have been dating no good men... that's probably what you like. Given the opportunity to date a good man, you probably wouldn't know how to react. If he doesn't hit you, or cheat on you and stays at home and helps with the house work... you would probably find that doesn't promote the drama you enjoy. If your man stayed at home every day that's no fun... It's more fun to get in the car with your girlfriend and go to some other woman's house looking for your man... NOW THAT'S FUN!!!

Yes there are good men out here. He may not be the most attractive guy, or make the most money, or have the greatest job... but they are out here. Are you looking in the right places? Are you giving the good guy a chance? Or does he fall into the friend category and give you advice on how to deal with that no good man? Do you really want a good man? Or are you just chasing the dream? To be continued...