Think I Better Let It Go... Looks Like Another Love TKO Part II

We all know the words to the song of the Late Great Teddy Pendergrass "Tried to take control of the Love... Love took control of me... Cause you lose all thought, sense of time... and have a change of mind. Takin the bumps and bruises... of all the things of being a two-time loser... Tryin to hold on, faith is gone... It's just another sad song. I think I better let it go... looks like another love T.K.O.

How do we know when it's time to let go? Or should we stay in the relationship?

We are all searching for love... and sometimes we think we have found it. But what happens when the new car smell wears off? Hopefully all is well... but what if you realize that this isn't the person for you? Should you stay in the relationship?

You don't want to hurt the other person... but staying in the relationship is unfair to you and the other person. You are wasting your time in a relationship that you have mentally checked out of and the other person is denied an opportunity to find a person that will love them the way they deserve to be loved. It may hurt that person but hopefully they will see in the end that it is best to end the relationship. It will be more painful if you start to neglect, mentally or physically abuse the person or cheat.

Once you have mentally checked out is it possible to check back in? Will counseling help? If you fall out of love is it possible to fall back in? What if children are involved? Should you stay together for the children? Should you stay together because of money? You may not love the person but you make a good team, two incomes are better than one, or maybe that person supports you. There are plenty of relationships/marriages that are just business partnerships... is this the type of relationship you want? I know a lot of people may settle for this. What's Love Got To Do With It???

Maybe it is possible to mentally check back in! We all think the grass is greener on the other side. But who really wants to get back into the dating world. Do you feel like getting to know a new person? I like brocolli... do you like brocolli? We all see people every day that may seem interesting to us... but what drama do they have? What happens when the new car smell wears off with a new person? Are you right back in the same boat? Or maybe you will find true love.

Whatever you decision... just be sure to be honest with your partner... don't waste time... if it's not going to work... I think You Better Let Go... But that's only Trey's Opinion

What would you do if you found out you had a sibling you didn't know about???

One of my followers asked the question "If you found out that one of your parents had another child that you didn't know about; would you want to have a relationship with that sibling and how would you feel about your parent not telling you?"



I can't really speak on this from personal experience... well not completely. But I will answer it to the best of my ability and hope it helps. I have to believe this is becoming more and more common now-a-days. This is a very difficult subject, so I hope we can get some feedback.



Like I said, not being in that situation... not that I know of! I think I would want to have a relationship with that sibling. It's not the siblings fault that your parents did not make you aware of this. It is your blood. People are people and what builds bonds with people is not blood but experiences. If you meet a person that says they are your brother or sister. You are acutally meeting a stranger . It is a roll of the dice if you decided to proceed. Could this person enhance your life or be like "Gator" from "Jungle Fever". You dont know because at the end of the day this person is a stranger to you. It may bring resentment towards that parent, so I guess it would depend on the relationship between your parent and the siblings parent.



My parents are still together and have been together over 40 years and there is a strong possibility that I may have a sibling out there that i don't know about. I once had a girl contact me on Myspace and say that she knows my father... she procedes to tell me my father spent so much time at her house she called him dad. I have also seen my father a couple times in public with someone that wasn't my mother.. I was torn... I did not know what to do. Should I tell my mom or should I keep my mouth shut.



As long as I can remember my parents never had a strong relationship... it's been more of a living situation. I think my mom has her suspesions, but she doesn't say anything... they just go on living their seperate lives. I kept my mouth shut. So back to the question. How would i feel? Confused. I guess it mostly depends on the relationship you have with your parents and the relationship your parents have.



I do know a few people that have siblings they didn't know about and have developed relationships with them and maintained the relationship with their parents.

Love isn't Love until it's Gone

My favorite Prince song is "Sometimes it Snow's in April". You probably don't know about this song unless you are a true Prince fan. It's off of the Under the Cherry Moon soundtrack. The very last thing he says as the song goes off is "Love isn't Love until it's gone". This is one of the most profound statements I have ever heard!

Love isn't Love until it's Gone. In the song he is talking about a friend that has passed... but I relate it to relationships. Have you ever had a guy call you up months after a break up... maybe even years later and say you were a "Great Girl" and he messed up or he tries to get you back after he puts you through a lot of crap. This man probably did love you... but at some point he began to take you for granted, wanted to explore his options, thought he had a better option or just plane messed up and let you go.

Every guy has "The one that got away"... which is a very dangerous thing, because every girl after her will be compared to "The one that got away". Once you have been in love and for whatever reason it ended... is it possible to be in love again? Are you comparing your current relationship to the relationship with the person you loved? Did you think you were in love and met somebody new that exceeded that... and thought what could I have been thinking? Are you ready able and willing to be loved?

Love isn't Love until it's gone... If Love isn't Love until it's gone... I guess we are all screwed!!! But it's deeper than Love... It's being "In Love" and there is a difference. Loving somebody mean you don't want anything bad to happen to them, if you could help them in a situation... You would. But being "In Love" means that person is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and every minute in between.

First Conversation Mistakes

Most women know if they are going to sleep with a man within the first 5 minutes of meeting. If you are able to get the number... don't mess it up by saying the wrong thing. This post will go over First Conversation Mistakes.

#1 Don't talk about Ex's... She doesn't want to hear about your ex... how much you cared about her, how she dumped you or the crazy break up. Your first convo should be light, fun, and an even exchange of information to get to know each other. We all have a past this is not the time to talk about it. For now... leave it in the past.

#2 Don't talk about Money... We all know we are all impressed by money... If you don't have it... it's okay not to talk about it... If you do have it, you shouldn't flaunt it because it makes you come off as arrogant. If you have it, she will see and if she only wants you for money... is this a girl you really want to deal with?

#3 Be original... Don't hit her with all the pick up lines that she has heard a thousand times before... Be original and genuine

#4 Shut Up!!! Don't dominate the conversation, allow her to talk about herself. Don't talk too much about yourself... She'll be impressed by a man that can listen.

#5 Cut it short... Don't reveal too much... If you don't know what I mean by that, you need to refer back to some of my previous posts. It's all about the thrill of the chase. We all want what we can't have. If you disclose everything there is nothing to pursue.

So when you meet somebody be sure to follow these rules so there will be more than one phone call!!!

Please become a follower.

If you have any questions about relationships, I am here to answer them as honestly as possible from a black males point of view. Email questions to treyfarmer71@hotmail.com

What's Love Got to Do With It???

Like Tina Turner said, "What's Love Got to Do With It?"

Do people really get together for Love any more? Do we even really know what Love is?

Are we really searching for Love? I don't think so! Often we seek our mate for other reasons. We pursue someone because we are physically attracted to them... whether they are right for us or not. We pursue someone for what they have... physically or financially.

Most men will seek love physically. For most men, it doesn't matter... If she lives at home with her parents... has a couple kids.... and her job is wiping elephants booty with a baby wipe... a guy will talk to her if he finds her attractive. For most men... not all... it doesn't matter what she has financially if he doesn't find her attractive, now there are some men that will use women... don't get me wrong.


On the other hand, if a man works at McDonalds... most women wouldn't give him the time of day. If a man has 3rd degree burns over 95% of his body but pulls up in a new Mercedes Benz a woman will talk to him. Is the man working at McDonalds unable to Love her the same as the crispy guy driving the Mercedes Benz?

A lot of relationships are formed on a business partnership, a successful man and a successful woman may hook up... they may not necessarily love each other... but it's a good business decision for them to be together because their combined income is nice.

Part of the reason the infidelity rate is so high is because we are hooking up for the wrong reasons. A woman that hooks up with a man because of what he has may not be getting satisfied at home... or a man may stray for the same reason... ask Tiger Woods!

So What's Love Got To Do With It?.. Nothing because most of the time the person that Loves YOU for YOU is over-looked for some material reason.

I'mmmm BACKKKKK!!!!

I know... I know... I haven't posted in a while... but I'm back... and better than before as if that was possible. I will be coming out with new and interesting topics... and as always, I am here to answer your questions as honestly as possible. In the meantime, check out my previous posts and stay tuned for new topics.

Become a follower and hit me up with your questions.

Thanks,

Trey

"Saggin Pants"

This is powerful... something to think about... "Saggin Pants"



Pass this on Our Youth, Our Parents,
Our Black Men and Women


Letter from a college student


The other day, a friend of mine visited me in the lobby of my dorm just to chat while her laundry was drying. As we were chatting, two young freshmen came by. One of the two boys wanted to 'talk' to my friend (as in date)... She asked him how old they were, and both of the boys replied 18. My friend and I both laughed hysterically because we are both 22 years old. After my friend left, the young men were still hanging around and one wanted to know how he could gain her interest.


The first thing I told him to do was to pull up his pants! He asked why, and then said he liked saggin ' his pants. I told him to come over to my computer and spell the word saggin'. Then I told him to write the word saggin ' backwards.


S-A-G-G-I-N

N-I-G- G-A-S

I told him the origin of that look was from centuries ago. It was the intent of slave owners to demoralize the field workers by forbidding them to wear a belt as they worked in the fields or at any other rigorous job. In addition, men in prison wore their pants low when they were 'spoken for'. The other reason their pants looked like that was they were not allowed to have belts because prisoners were likely to try to commit suicide.

Also, saggin' pants prevents you from running.

We as young Black people have to be the ones to effect change. We are dying. The media has made a mockery of the Black American. Even our brothers and sisters from Africa don't take us seriously. Something as simple as pulling up your pants and standing with your head held high could make the biggest difference in the world's perception of us. It is time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and embrace each other. No one is going to do that for us. It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what reality to them is. We have to change not only the media's perception of us, but we need to change our perception of ourselves.


Remember all eyes are on you, Black Man. All eyes are on you, Black Woman. All eyes are on your Black Child. People point the finger at us and expect us to engage in negative and illegal activities, to manifest loud, boisterous behavior, to spend our hard earned money in their stores, buying goods we don't need, or really want. We have allowed not only the media, but the government and the world to portray us as a 'sub-culture. ' They have stripped our culture down to the point where the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug users, and consumers of junk food, expensive tennis shoes, expensive cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in homes for our families. We are so much more!!!

To all our Black Men : It's time to stand up. There are billions of Black Women who want to do nothing more than worship the ground that you walk on. We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, we want to love, support, and cherish every ounce of your being. But with that you have to show that you are willing to be the head of our households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submission. We need you to be hard working...Not a hustler. We need you to seek higher education, to seek spirituality. We need you to stand! And trust us; we will have your back. We know that it gets hard. We know you get weary. Trust and believe that there is nothing that a Black Man and a Black Woman can't handle with GOD on their side.


To all our Black Women : It is also time for you to stand up. It is time for you to stop using your bodies as your primary form of communication. It is time to be that virtuous woman that Proverbs spoke of. You cannot sit by the wayside while our men are dying by the masses. You are the epitome of Black Love. It starts within you. You need to speak with conviction to let not only our Black Men know, but the world, that you are the Mothers of this world. You are so powerful. You are so beautiful. You need to love and embrace every blessing God has given us physically, emotionally and spiritually.


For all our Black Children : We need to love them. We need to teach them. We need to stand up for them. We need to protect them. We need to show them that there are no 'get rich quick' schemes. We need to tell them that they WILL die trying if they submit to a life of crime and deceit. We need to teach our children that no one will love them the way we can. And being a basketball player, a rapper, or a drug dealer is not reality. It's not realistic and only a small percentage of people ever make it as a rapper or professional athlete. We need to teach our children that we can be more than rappers and athletes. We can be the owners of these sports teams. We can be the CEO's of OUR fortune 500 companies.
We need to believe in literacy.


Please Keep This Going & Have a wonderful day.

'This is the year of empowerment. '
God will empower us to accomplish
things this year that will be mind blowing'. GOD BLESS, Ellis Henderson

Men Wear Make-Up Too!

It's a well know fact that women wear tight clothes, short clothes, high heel shoes, weaves, foundation, eye liner, blush, lipstick etc. to enhance their appearance... But men wear make-up too.

Men don't literally wear make-up... well some do... but that's another post. What men do is they wear expensive sneakers, shoes or boots, jeans or a shirt with the latest designer's name big as day all over, or drive expensive cars. But that's what I like to call smoke and mirrors.

Just like men like to see the tight jeans, high heel shoes, etc... Women like to see the expensive sneakers, designer clothes, and expensive cars. What about that persons personality? Are you really attracted to the person or the appearance? While talking to a friend I heard one of the most ludicrous things I ever heard. She said when she was younger she would date a guy based on the sneakers he wore! She also stated that she didn't return a guys phone calls because he had the audacity to come to her house in a car with cloth interior... not leather! Is a leather interior that serious? Women always complain there are no "Good Men"... well maybe he was a good man... he just had cloth interior... but he was never given the chance.

When David Copperfield performs a magic trick, he uses smoke and mirrors to distract your attention. But when you see beyond the smoke and mirrors you understand how the trick was performed. As long as men and women continue to be so shallow and be obsessed with the outward appearance you will never understand what's behind the smoke and mirrors... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Dating Women With Children

The older I become, the more difficult it becomes to find a woman without kids. There is nothing wrong with kids, but due to the fact that I don't have any... it's been my preference to date women without kids. That's exactly what it is... A Preference! Often times women with children get upset when I say I don't like to date women with kids. But just like tall or short, light or dark... black, white or other... It is a preference.

I have dated women with children, I have even lived with women that had children. Children can be fun, but some children do not receive the proper discipline. I've been wet by a water hose when I had a suit on, had things come up missing and of course the thing that men love to hear most when dating a woman with children... "You aren't my daddy!" So does that mean they don't have to listen? If you are dating a woman with a child... at what point is it appropriate to discipline the child... and to what extent? Can you yell at the child? Can you spank the child? Or does the child do what they want... when they want? If I do date a woman with a child, I prefer a young child... because if that is someone I am going to be with long term I can be more of an influence on the way the child is raised before they are set in their ways.

Another reason I shy away from dating women with children is because the child's father will still be in the woman's life. Most of the time the man has messed up so bad the woman doesn't want anything to do with him. But speaking from a mans perspective.... No man wants to imagine his ex having sex with another man... and giving an opportunity he would sleep with her again. Given the fact that a woman has a child by a man presents more opportunity for them to hook back up... So when she's dropping off little Johnny... that's not the only thing she's dropping.

Dating women with children also put limitations on the things that you can do. You may not be able to go out when you want to or stay up as late as you want. Children have a tendency to wake up early... ready to play! They don't want to watch the news, drink a cup of coffee, read the newspaper... they are ready to play... EARLY!!!

I have also dated women that didn't have the cutest kids... How are you suppose to handle that? They come home from school like... "The kids were making fun of me calling me ugly!" What am I suppose to say.... "WELLLLLL!!!!"

The older i become dating women with children is more a fact of life... So I guess I will have to adjust... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

Misery Loves Company

We often hear the phrase "Misery Loves Company"... this is very true... Mentally, Emotionally and Financially. When you are consulting your friends for advise... have you evaluated their situation?

I am approaching the age of 40, I have never been married and I don't have any kids. I would eventually love to do these things, especially while my parents are still alive. When I am involved with someone I find that my friends never have anything positive to say. My female friends say negative things even if they haven't met her. My male friends don't have anything positive to say and they try to get me to go out more or try to get me to talk to other women. They say "No Man Is an Island", but I choose to stay to myself. I know a lot of people, but choose to involve myself with few. I made a conscious decision to eliminate the negative people from my life, which leads to a lot of time by myself... but when I am involved with somebody that allows me to focus 100% on that person without negative influence. Most of my friends have children and are divorced. If I allow them to influence my decisions I will never get married when they all say to avoid it.

Ladies, if you have met a man and everything seems great do your girlfriends have negative things to say? All men are the same... All men are dogs... Don't trust him girl!!! Are you letting the voice of your jaded girlfriends to influence your decision? This is your life and you have to make the decision on what will make you happy. Don't allow the bad choices that your friends have made influence your decision. I believe that people have a tendency to choose the same type of person... if your girlfriend chooses knucklehead after knucklehead you shouldn't be taking advise from her.

Do you have a friend that something bad always happens to? Are they always sick or have some type of ailment? Is something bad always happening to them or somebody they know? I run from those type of people. All that bad stuff is happening to them and people they know... let me get away from them before that bad stuff happens to me!!! This can be draining and have an effect on your life.

If you don't know... I am a fan of "Old School Rap" and EPMD said a long time ago... "If you hang with 9 broke friends you bound to be the 10th one". It is necessary to surround yourself with positive people and successful people. I always say, "It's not what you know... It's who you know". If you are in the circles of successful people you have a better chance of being successful. If you surround yourself with guys with no job and sit on the couch and play Playstation all day or women that don't want to do anything for themselves you are more likely to fall into one of those categories. It's time to change... The bible says "When I was a child... I thought i spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child... But when I became a man I put away those childish things" Not enough of us are putting away those childish things.... when we do... we will have better relationships. When I say childish things... I don't only mean Playstation... I mean childish mentalities.


Be careful about the type of people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with people who are miserable... you will be miserable. If you surround yourself with people that are successful financially and in good strong relationships, you have a better chance of be successful and in a productive relationship. Have you ever walked into a seafood store and noticed that the crabs never have a cover on the basket? Because anytime one of the crabs try to get out of the basket the other crabs pull him back down. People can be like crabs... because when you try to elevate to the next level they try to pull you back down... But that's just Trey's Opinion.