Sunday, July 19, 2009

Are Black Men Afraid to commit?

This is a very debated topic and the answer to this question is very complicated. Of course, not all men are the same... But there are numerous reasons why men won't commit. One reason is children learn what they live. If a man comes from a household where his father wasn't committed to his mother chances are he won't commit to you. (Another reason why it is important to have a positive household and positive male role models) This isn't always true because he may have witnessed this and want to break the cycle. Another reason is every man has a fear that as soon as he makes a commitment something better will come along. That's right... no matter how attractive you are... no matter how intelligent... no matter what... he feels that Beyonce is coming down the street right behind you. Beyonce might never show up... but he has to leave the door open for opportunity.

A lot of men simply will not commit. Once you realize that he is not willing to commit, it is your decision whether you stay or not. If you are willing to deal with a man with a fear of commitment it is very important you know and play your position.

If he is dealing with multiple women he will have his #1 She gets to meet the family and friends, gets to go out to dinner, movies and other events. #1 gets the majority of the time. If you haven't meet the family or friends and he hasn't taken you out in public... sorry boo boo YOU ARE NOT NUMBER 1.

#2 Is probably a girl that has been around for years. She could possibly be number 1 if she wasn't crazy... but she know the rules. She'll take the 3 am phone and allow him to come over. If you receive the 3 am after the club phone call... YOU ARE NUMBER 2

#3 Never gets to go out in public. Most likely has good credit. If you only receive booty calls, are overweight or not too attractive and have co-signed for a car, or made other large purchases... YOU ARE NUMBER 3.

As a whole. I believe most black men aren't afraid to commit. If he hasn't committed to you... most likely he is just passing time until the one he is willing to commit to comes along. But this is only Trey's Opinion


  1. Ouch, lol! Hey Trey, you made a lot of good points and hit the nail on the head. I really enjoyed reading your Blog. Please check out mine and let me know what you think. I'm going to spread the word on yours, lol.


  2. Very nice blog.

    I am looking for some articles on relationships. Would you like to submit something? If so, please get in touch.

    You can respond via the email address on this site:


  3. Good stuff Roland!!! lol but you spoke the truth...Women will be happy as a whole when we realize our role. If its not the role we choose then move on quickly!

  4. True indeed. The cycle can be broken and as the text book states....the behavior is learned. At what point, does the man stop and think," A change needs to be made." I can take it back to slavery days, when black families were ripped apart, by the "dominant race." Our families have been broken for years. I'm not blaming slavery, but I believe it played and continues to play a part in broken black families. In the eyes of the "dominant race" blacks are not supposed to succeed, have intact families, acquire degrees, etc. A change has to come.