Sunday, August 23, 2009


The Male Ego in psychoanalysis, is the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality. The male ego can push him to greater heights, but it can also make it very difficult to date him.

The Male Ego is a very fragile thing. We fight wars to increase the White Man's Ego. But The Black Man's Ego is a completely different topic. The Black Man's Ego is VERY sensitive and controls our behavior directly. From the minute you meet a guy it is already playing a part. Do you find that more unattractive men... or a man you wouldn't qualify on your level approach you than attractive men or men on your level? The lesser attractive man may have a high level of self confidence... either that or a higher tolerance for rejection!!! The more attractive guy may also have a big ego but may not have a high tolerance for rejection and to approach a female and be rejected may damage that sensitive ego. He may walk around for the next day or two like... "What happened? Did I have a boogie?"

The Black Male Ego effects almost every aspect of his life... even down to video games. The Black Male Ego causes him to be very competitive. Next time you are wrestling with your man... even if you have the ability... you may want to think twice before picking him up and body slamming him. I don't care if you are Lisa Leslie... let him win on the basketball court. Most importantly... Whatever you do... DO NOT BEAT HIM IN MADDEN 10!!!

One of my readers Shequita asks "Why can't men just say what is on their mind or what they feel?" The answer is quite simple! The Black Male Ego!!! If a guy wears his feelings on his sleeves, that puts him in a position of vulnerability. If he expresses his feelings they may not be reciprocated. He may feel this expression is a sign of weakness and will be used to manipulate him or even the worse possibility... make him looked "Whipped" to his friends. His friends and his ego have a huge impact on your relationship. A man wants to date an attractive woman so when he takes her around his friends he can flaunt her... he wants arm candy. As soon as she goes into the bathroom he is going to ask "What do you think? Is she fine?" If she doesn't receive the approval from his friends... her days are numbered! Most likely he will NEVER express how he feels about you to his friends in fear of facing criticism. I am going to talk about this in greater detail in an upcoming post. One of the reasons it is so hard for black women to find a good man or a man that doesn't cheat is because of the perception of his friends. Black men want to appear as if they are "Players" and date multiple women because that is perceived as cool to their friends. Being committed to one woman and being a good father is a lost concept.

The Black Male expects to be more powerful and earn more money when in a relationship. As mentioned in a previous post, the Black Male may not hold a position of power at his current place of employment... so when he comes home he expects to be in control. He expects to be the bread-winner and make decisions that effect the household. With women having more of a presence in the work place and earning equal or greater pay this may not be the case. That can be a devastating blow to the male ego. If you are living comfortable and are happy in your present situation, but he can not take you to the places you want to go or provide the extras... that may make him feel like less than a man. Until I was in my 30's I pretty much dated dependent women, as I got older and started to date women that actually had their own place and car and had a good job... It was a new experience and I was a little intimidated by this. After evaluating the situation, I realized that if you have 2 people with good incomes, working together towards a common goals it will be easier to achieve the American Dream.

The Black Male Ego has been damaged through slavery, the police, employers and women. This must be taken into consideration when dating the Black Male. The sooner you learn to understand the male ego... the better your relationships will be... but that's just Trey's Opinion!

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