Monday, August 24, 2009

How to know if You are the ONE

One of my readers, Nichole, asks how long does it take for a man to know if you are the "ONE". This is a very difficult question to answer, and there is nothing written in stone. It will definitely depend on the individual and his maturity level.

Do you believe in love at first site? I don't... In the beginning it may be lust or infatuation. Is it love if the feeling isn't reciprocated? How do you know if you love the person if you really don't know the person. For the first 90 days both parties may be showing their representative. My mom told me a long time ago for the first 90 days everything should be great, but if you are already arguing during the first 90 days cut it off. After the first 90 days is the physical attraction the same? I am a strong believer in once the physical is gonna, it's the mental that keeps you attracted. Like I always say, there are exceptions to the rule and love at first site is possible.

After the first 90 days, and real life becomes involved... you know.... work, life, love, kids and bills... are the feelings still the same? If they are... cool... you are on the right track. But I am a strong believer in living with someone before you get married. You can date somebody or be committed to somebody... but until you live with them and realize their idiosyncrasies, you really don't know that person. I have dated some beautiful women, but they lived like pigs and I'm pretty anal so that would never work.

I always say, I have to date somebody for at least a year and a half before I know if they are the "ONE", and during that year and a half, best believe you will be going through a battery of tests.
I want to make sure we things in common, I want to make sure we can have fun together and I want to make sure we have common goals. If all that is in place then I want to make sure I am still physically and mentally attracted.

Like I said earlier... it also depends on his maturity level, is he ready for just "ONE"? Because if he isn't... you will never be the one. As I mentioned in previous post, every mans fear is that as soon as he settles, something better will come along. If he wants to keep one foot out the door, then you will never be the one.

So; to answer your question, how to know how long it determines a man to know if you are the one.... There is no answer. Some men will know immediately, it may take other men a while, and other men may never know. My favorite Prince song, "Sometimes It Snows In April" says it best... "Love isn't Love Until It's Gone". Do you ever wonder why men always come back to you after the relationship has ended and say you were the best girl he ever had? Because when he was with you he took you for granted. After the fact, he realizes what he had.

So the answer to your question, "How long does it take for a man to realize if you are the one?" Unfortunately, for most men, probably when it's too late... But that's just Trey's Opinion.

1 comment:

  1. I like this. It helped to give women an insight. Women are creatures of compassion and we share and tell you Men how we feel, whereas, Men aren't as vocal as we want them to be.